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40 hours

2011-08-17T08:27:00.005-04:00

How do you all regular folks get it done? (By regular folks, I mean folks with 40+ hour work weeks). I have been unemployed since May, and I have never been busier in my life. And no! It's NOT all time spent looking for a job (although I do that every day). I cook, I clean, I run errands, I make phone calls, I go to appointments... just the business of being me takes up all my time. I

Dawn of a particular day

2011-08-10T18:19:00.006-04:00

Yesterday morning, I got a text message from an old friend from high school. The text came in at 5am, and after I read it, I couldn't possibly go back to sleep. So I took this picture for you. My friend M's text message told me that his former wife and the mother of his six year old daughter and four year old son had been killed in a plane crash. The woman he was married to for ten

Boundaries? Not really.

2011-07-29T20:44:00.005-04:00

I have about seven minutes (perhaps less) to post before I must return to my living room and join my roommate for a back episode of Project Runway. What's that, you ask? Nina... has a roommate? Yes. Yes, Nina does. LAS and I are now roommates in New York City. What's that? You think it's really risky to move in with someone you met on the internet? Well... for me, this move involved

In which I make myself very unpopular

2011-02-21T23:32:00.005-05:00

Hello.There really is no dignified way to start this post, so I will just say it: I watched porn. Let me explain: I am 41 years old, and it occurred to me recently that I have never seen pornography - not even Playboy. I might have seen a few naked pictures here or there, but basically, I had no experience with the industry and had never "seen" people doing stuff. I decided that since I wasn't

Letter to M: The Darker Time

2011-02-11T23:58:00.003-05:00

Social: It was a hard slog after my mother died. My dad turned with full, religious conviction to scotch and mallomars to survive. I drove home every weekend to make sure he didn’t pickle himself. A lot of men get married within a year of losing a spouse, but my dad just seemed to take it harder as every day went by, so I spent a lot of time driving back and forth. I

Letter to M: The Dark Time

2011-02-04T21:09:00.002-05:00

Letter to M: The Dark Time My plans to move to NYC forestalled, I moved back in with my parents. I lived with them while my mother completed treatment for the recurring cancer, and I got menial temp work so the main focus stayed at home. Then one of my menial jobs offered me a promotion – a whole $24,000 a year. The catch was I had to move to Raleigh, NC, and that meant

Letter to M: College

2011-01-27T17:21:00.003-05:00

We were still in touch between 1988 and 1992, but I don’t think we talked much, or at least not enough for me to remember much about what you were doing. All I remember hearing from you is the word “Wharton.” I am writing under the assumption that you remember one word or fewer about me during those years. So, college. I have my own students now, most of whom are

What did I think would happen?

2011-01-27T15:17:00.003-05:00

When I was 14 I made a BFF pact with a guy who went to a neighboring all boy school (I was in the all girl school; this all made so much sense at the time). We were very close - told each other everything, talked all night on the phone, went to each others proms, etc. Or did we? We can't remember, but there are pictures of us together all decked out for something. Anyway some people have a

Facebook as a form of therapy

2011-01-16T09:37:00.006-05:00

Within twenty minutes of joining Facebook, I received a friend request from the man who holds my V card. It just got weirder from there. My phone didn't stop all night. Bzzz.. Bzzz... Bzzz... all Facebook notifications from or regarding people I haven't seen or talked to in years - in one case, since I was eight years old. It wasn't merely that people were trying to "friend" me. It was that

So I sold out.

2011-01-15T18:47:00.006-05:00

I put ads on this blog. Why? Because I am fairly broke and because anything would help and because I trust that 99% of you come here to read my posts, not look at ads for anti0-aging remedies. (That does NOT mean you shouldn't click on those ads if you like what you see). Let's see... other happenings... I threw away all the angry fat clothes I accumulated when I was several sizes larger due

(Hides Face in SHAME)

2011-01-12T16:53:00.002-05:00

I can't believe I showed you all three shots of my boobs in a lame attempt to get you to come back to my blog. How... tacky. Let's see what's happening today. I got my wish. It snowed and the city looks beautiful, but I suspect it looks so lovely because I didn't have to leave the house today and have been curled up with books in my nightgown and slippers. Yes, I am drinking tea. Yes, a did

Now this is right

2011-01-11T22:25:00.008-05:00

I talked it over with my surviving female relatives and, while noting the opinion of avitable, we agreed that retail lingerie is the right thing for me to do. Who else but me could appreciate and sympathize with the issues common to those blessed with largesse? and who can forget this photo??Jeez I look almost flat chested in that one. Need to find more photos.

Why all the fuss?

2011-01-11T17:30:00.006-05:00

OK so I finally got Google Analytics to work. It told me what I already knew, which is no one stops by here anymore, which means I need to start posting every day again - that even though (as discussed) the narrative arc has closed - there is more to say.I'll start with the obvious: what the hell is going on?In August, after my last day of work, I made the decision to allow myself to be

Yes, I care. I care a lot.

2011-01-10T21:59:00.004-05:00

I can't get the snippet of code from Google Analytics to stick to the template of my blog. The error message I am getting is something like the XML code is unworthy or some crap like that. WTF?Was it always this hard? The whole problem is enough to make me drink red wine and stuff my face with basmati rice. And if you don't understand that, we really can't be friends anymore. Um but honestly

Educate Me

2011-01-08T10:18:00.002-05:00

Would someone please explain to me what is so great about Google Analytics? I tried to sign up for it, but it appeared to be telling me that on every single post, I have to plunk in a mile of code. Am I not reading the instructions correctly? Because if they really want me to plunk their special code into every single post I am not sure I can be their friend. Also: whether this is true or

For Cath

2011-01-07T13:16:00.002-05:00

It's snowing in New York City, and my, is it pretty.

Oh My Heck

2011-01-04T23:15:00.005-05:00

So much has happened. And yet nothing has really changed. I am the same underemployed college adjunct as I was and I have gathered no steam on the Phd front. I have only the most filmy vision of the future. What's interesting is my total conviction that although things are not so great financially right now, they will get better. The getting better might be greatly facilitated by my getting

What happened to me?

2010-11-01T19:49:00.004-04:00

A lot has happened. I lost my job, and that turned out to be a good thing. As it turns out, I hated that job, and I don't miss it. I miss the paycheck a lot, but for $3126 per month? That much pain? Not worth it at all. I have also been doing some, oh, mental and physical inventory in an effort to somehow get myself back to where I was before the Recent Unpleasantness*. Guess what? At the

Help me decide

2010-07-08T17:38:00.003-04:00

My brother has pissed me off by suggesting that my running days are over. That I can't handle it anymore. That my knees can't handle it anymore. Blah blah. In response I have decided to jog/walk/crawl, whatever it takes, another marathon. I want a January marathon to mark my birthday. Top contenders are:1) Miami Marathon - it's Miami, after all. 2) Carlsbad Marathon - San Diego is perfect

Try this

2010-07-03T15:11:00.005-04:00

Cossette is getting married soon, as you all know if you read the previous post --- also, I just told you. So she is trying to get more exercise so she will look hot in her dress. OH. In case any of you care about such things: If you are a girl or a woman or a friend of a girl or woman, you know you need some tight abs to look good in that dress. TIGHT. ABS. So we've been having a little

Perfect, perfect

2010-07-01T19:37:00.007-04:00

Item the first: Please go immediately to P's blog and lavish upon her the love and devotion that is her due. Heaven never dreamed up a more beautiful bride. I mean it. Go and give love to the most beautiful bride in the history of marital perfection. Item the second: I had grand plans for my future. They included me never going on another date as long as I lived, vacationing every year

Back to Black

2010-06-22T19:31:00.004-04:00

Many of you said you didn't like the black background, and I agreed with you, mostly. But the blog started black and when I started messing around with the template, everything else just seemed all wrong. So now we are back to black, if not permanently, for now. More on fasting: I decided to fast for a week in order to shrink my stomach and start the weight loss process. Boy howdy, was that a

Wonder

2010-06-21T13:29:00.005-04:00

I wonder, too. Where is she? Where is that other, better voice who thinks all this is a story, rather than an merely a break down? Where is the person who makes all the drama into four paragraphs that end in a joke? Where is the person who makes all my problems funny? Where the hell is Nina?Well. Nina's here. The reason she isn't saying much is that her primary fuel is intensity - usually

Three minute post

2010-04-15T15:34:00.005-04:00

My flight boards in three minutes, so I have three minutes to tell you that my boss offered to write me a letter of recommendation and I now have until December to decide what to do. This is welcome news. Also, I am more confused than ever about what to do. But at least now I have more time to be confused. Here is a picture for you: That is me, Tex, and Tess in Iceland. Very overserved. I

I'm available

2010-04-13T20:35:00.003-04:00

No. Not in that way. Stop looking at me like that. As of eleven days ago, I no longer have a job. Oh wait, I do, but only until August. Then I will be most assuredly available (unless I want to move to North Carolina.) (Which I most assuredly do not.) Everything but my wallet says I should not go there - that I should stay here and try to make my way, somehow. Any which way. And y'all

While I Wait

2010-03-07T15:48:00.005-05:00

I have about $200 worth of prescription medication being filled right now, and gosh I don't know whether to feel grateful that such medication exists or melancholy because the reality is I need all that stuff to keep me... alive. Well, let's go with gratitude, since gratitude is more attractive than self loathing. Speaking of attraction, suddenly I am questioning my "celibate for life" policy

Snow, weirdness, pancakes

2010-02-26T08:20:00.005-05:00

It snowed about a foot in New York City last night and today it is still... snowing. I wonder how this will impact my move to the new place. (And no, Karl, the drawing was definitely not to scale). Here are some real pictures for you. I know these are not very helpful, but it is a small apartment. As much as I am excited, I have an underlying feeling of dread. It has taken some time for me

Dig if you will...

2010-02-23T23:01:00.004-05:00

OK. It's a drawing. This is where I am moving on Saturday. It has been a long time coming. (Don't be sad if you can't quite understand the floor plan. It confuses me too. Since you are here, go give a big kiss to Adam, who recently moved also. Times are a' changin' for him, too. Love, Nina

Owning the slow lane

2010-02-04T17:22:00.003-05:00

Today I went to the gym. (I have gone to the gym every day since January 1st). (I am still not hot). But so anyway I was at the gym and I figured since I had the swim suit with me I would swim laps after my normal work out, you know, sort of like bonus calorie burning. (Digression: I swam competitively in college, which is to say I drank a whole lot and then compensated for it by showing up

Hair place

2010-01-15T13:57:00.002-05:00

If you have an iPhone you can post while you are getting your hair done. And if that doesn't convince you to get an iPhone, I am very sorry for you. Julie tells me I should abandon my flailing redesign efforts, move to wordpress, get my own URL, and rethink the mission statement of the blog. I expect she is correct. After all, it's previous usefulness has exhausted itself. The self

I am an idiot

2010-01-13T19:22:00.003-05:00

I was thinking in the shower today. (Naked! Naked!) I am an idiot. Here's why:1) I have a hard time drinking water and breathing at the same time. Seriously. I turn blue. 2) I can make out with a guy and like, have his tongue in my mouth, but I'll break up with him if he expects me to eat off the same fork. That is SO gross. 3) I am afraid of the sound of toilets flushing in the dark.

Are we getting anywhere?

2010-01-03T00:05:00.002-05:00

Is this any better? I think it looks pretty awful, but I am used to the dark and storminess. Is the red doing anything for anyone?? The white background?Also: I believe that novels, like all essays, should have thesis statements. My current working thesis:If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not

Ignore the weirdness

2010-01-02T02:10:00.003-05:00

I am trying to re-jigger the template. I haven't decided what should go where yet, but here we are for now. (Maybe a day, tops).

Request for Advice

2009-12-30T22:42:00.003-05:00

I started this blog a few years ago, and when I started, the blog had no purpose at all. AT. ALL. Then it developed a purpose. It got me through the death of my father and all manner of other related crapulence. I have maintained the blog - though it had no clear purpose - and since those events (see: crapulence), I have tried to write. I think we all agree that the better posts are in the

Learning

2009-12-22T19:17:00.002-05:00

Things I have learned this year:1) People really can change. I have changed several times this year.2) It is possible, with the proper motivation, to eat an entire bag of Veggie Booty. 3) And then drink a beer4) Good grammar is wholly unnecessary if the sentiment is sincere.

Place Holder

2009-11-29T21:43:00.003-05:00

In order to maintain my "back" status, I am posting this uselessness. Is it useless?It depends. Have you heard of Joseph Arthur? ....Good heavens. .... Get you some.

Yes, Jane

2009-11-24T23:31:00.008-05:00

Yes, Jane. I am back. Although to be fair I am working on acquiring my own URL and to be fair I am fairly sure I am going to transfer few (if any) old posts from here. But Nina, so far as Nina goes, is back. So very back. (But not the old Nina. The past is over. I didn't know. I really didn't know. Meaning: When I started this blog with a careless post about making out with platonic

Welcome to Latvia!

2009-11-21T21:54:00.006-05:00

I was in the airport last week for six hours. And while I was there, I had a moment of pure ______________. It occurred to me that I had my passport and enough funds on my person to get out of the country. Options: Casablanca, Lima, Sydney, Riga, Hong Kong, Ulan Bator. Seriously. I could have been gone. Just gone. Deferring problems so great and terrible that the very wizard himself would

Track Abandoned

2009-10-21T00:42:00.005-04:00

"I am a railroad track abandoned."You could know, of course, by googling.On the other hand you try to relate to Buckley's insights. What do you have to add?

Liar

2009-08-06T23:15:00.007-04:00

There is a commandment somewhere on the tablets the anthropologists can't manage to find. It says (reportedly): don't lie.Oh.Eek.I lie all the time. I do it to protect other people from truths I fear people cannot - or should not have to - handle.Sometimes I lie because the truth would break the hearts of people I love.But I also lie to make money. (I have two jobs and neither employers knows

Air

2009-08-01T01:48:00.008-04:00

Love is in air, or at least the air between my ears. His name was (is?) Torrey. I could just go for it and embarrass myself, but the post would confuse us all. But I will divulge that there was a man named Torrey and though I have not spoken with him in years, I loved him like I have never loved anyone else, ever.. He brought me back to myself and made me feel again. In that sense, he

Questions

2009-07-26T20:50:00.004-04:00

I have been thinking. (I know. I know. Drink more, think less: happy life). (But I have been thinking anyway). I have questions for God. No, the are not questions such as "why have you been so not awesome to me?" and they are not questions like "is there a paradise for Cathead -- even though Cathead was a dirty, dirty sinner (even in his most charming moments)?My questions are: 1) God,

M15

2009-07-19T23:04:00.004-04:00

This post reveals facts I am uncomfortable sharing. OH! My blog is (nominally) anonymous. Though Cathead died on Saturday morning, I did not dispose of his body until today. Why? Because the humane society closed early, a development I welcomed. Por Que?Because I was not ready to let go. Internet, I did not like my cat very much. I loved him a lot, but like him? No. Herewith, some

Waiting, part two

2009-07-18T07:31:00.005-04:00

My cat is on my bed exactly where I placed him last night. The food and water is untouched. And my cat is dead. I feel surprisingly emotionless about it... so far. I keep telling myself that I have cleaned up my last sand dollar of cat puke. I keep telling myself that he will never scream at me again and again and again for no reason. I keep telling myself that he was old and that he was

Waiting

2009-07-18T00:42:00.004-04:00

Today I walked into my bathroom to find my cat curled up behind the sink. He was not moving and he appeared short of breath. I watched him for a few minutes and then I came back half an hour later. Same thing. Labored breathing. Glassy-eyed. And not liking me at all. (He has always hated me, so... whatever). I decided to pick him up and move him to a more comfortable section of my

More Again?

2009-06-23T21:02:00.006-04:00

My family continues to shrink. My sister's husband has abandoned their marriage after 9 years. They dated 5 years before they married in 2000. I would post a picture if it were not a violation of their privacy. And I have to say that although my sister is her own special snowflake, I couldn't be married to her for ten minutes. This post is not about blame. It is about grief.Regardless of

Then again

2009-06-17T19:07:00.007-04:00

I don't want her to die. What a hateful thing to say. And not what I meant at all. What I am resenting is that no one in my entire family is willing to confront her except me, and frankly I feel that since I have already told her off, I am no longer obligated. I should get to log off this problem.Except that I don't, but for a different reason. It is a reason I don't like at all. The reason

Time again

2009-06-14T23:38:00.005-04:00

What happens next?Seven months after moving into Bob and Kate's Asylum, I have been thinking a lot - probably more than is healthy for a girl like me. Everything I assumed would happen in my life did not happen, and a whole lot of other things happened instead. Let me assure you that this is not whining; it is a simple statement of facts. I wanted to graduate from college without having learned

Sweating in the Oldies

2009-06-11T12:39:00.002-04:00

Kate returned from Sweden two days ago. (I know I made a quasi-promise to post every day while she was gone, but I found myself the accidental participant in a medical experiment that required me to do nothing harder than take a few pills, try with all physical, moral, and spiritual resources applied, NOT to take some other pill, and the observe my behavior carefully to ensure I wouldn't throw

Asia

2009-06-07T20:34:00.001-04:00

Nina's Dewey Decimal Section: 495 Languages of East & Southeast Asia Nina = 4941 = 494+1 = 495 Class: 400 Language Contains: Linguistics and language books. What it says about you: You value communication, even with people who

Time

2009-05-28T18:57:00.008-04:00

Kate left today for Sweden, which means I am on my own in an enormous house for 12 days. To most people, such circumstances would translate: horray! or party on! or naked time! Bah. I'd rather she had just stayed home. Being on my own means no one to talk to and masses of time I normally spend puttering around with her that I can now spend checking myself for suspicious moles or calculating

Daisy

2009-05-27T19:08:00.005-04:00

Today I was walking to the Cooper Square Post Office and I was breathing the delicious new summer air and feeling just excellent. I thought it could get no better. But then it did. About ten paces ahead of me was a kid, black variety, about 14 or 15 years old. T-shirt so big the sleeves ran on past his elbows. He was carrying a big bouquet of flowers - many peonies and roses and daisies.

Check, check

2009-05-26T22:54:00.012-04:00

This is an empty post where I say little other than that I am grateful, incredibly grateful that anyone still reads this blog. I am also grateful that I am not feeling as terrible as I felt this time last year. Oh! I also went to Chicago to visit my darling LAS. A few pictures from the trip: Yes, that is buttercream frosting. Good heavens. Better, substantive post to come tomorrow.

Sister

2009-05-21T23:12:00.008-04:00

I left the house tonight to go buy intoxicants. (We'll talk about that later). As I rounded the corner, I threaded my way through a half dozen guys. Internet, in case you were not aware, I attract the attention of people who linger on corners. The usual greetings are variations of: Baby, you fine. Mama, take me home. Bring it, sistah. Baby, I'm your man. Etc. Etc. Etc. Most women find this

Attendance

2009-05-13T21:29:00.002-04:00

If you are still reading (bless you), please comment so I know who you are. Include also any recommendations regarding content, style, design, polish color - whatever. Rethinking things and I need some ideas. Help Nina out, por favor. I love you more than ever.

.... in Translation

2009-04-27T10:02:00.034-04:00

I had a post almost ready to go about how happy I am that things are settling down and how glad I am that I can live my life free from all interference from the recent abhorrent and improbable events characterizing the last three years of my life. The first three sentences feature the word "happy" in multiple usages.Too bad I am not going to publish that one.Herewith, an email received from

Explanations

2009-04-11T11:49:00.010-04:00

Hi! I have complained a lot lately, and I should (perhaps) explain myself. Or at least elaborate on certain circumstances that (sometimes, but not always) threaten my equanimity. Issue the first: Living situation. After my dad died and the final round of bills associated with his illness and death hit my mailbox, I realized there was about 25 cents worth of financial cushion between me and

Like father

2009-04-06T19:29:00.005-04:00

A while back I met a man in his 60s. Due work circumstances, we spent a day together that long while back, and on that day, his work was easy and mine was not. But side by side we got through the day and then at the end of it, I thanked him for all the encouragement and advice he gave me. As we worked, I noticed the dark, restless quality of his eyes, as if there were a hundred thoughts all

Oh Dear Jesus God have Mercy

2009-03-30T23:05:00.004-04:00

I will explain later why many families had made the last 3 weeks of my life... challenging. For now, I leave you only this:A preamble to the photograph I mean to post about the burial. More on that later.

The good corkscrew

2009-03-21T20:23:00.004-04:00

This won't be one of those posts where I make an effort to make sense or hope for coherence. I just have not been available lately, even to myself, for reflection. So I am just going to start typing. I have been lowering the amount of the heavenly sleep inducing medication that induces sleep but also causes serious metabolic problems for 8 - 9% of patients. Go ahead and infer that I am in the

Nina says more about death and stuff

2009-03-05T16:32:00.004-05:00

We have just concluded the interminable living room cheese eating event that characterizes the days between the moment of death and the detailing of the body. Now we are detailing ourselves to go to the funeral parlor, which is just around the corner. And this makes me happy. And this fact, that of my happiness, I do not have to keep a secret from the People's Republic of Blogistan: Of all

Who's with us?

2009-03-02T21:30:00.005-05:00

Instead of writing about death all. the. time... today I will write about a conversation I had with my beloved LAS about language. About words, to be more specific - and their ability to change the way people feel. We got to talking about words today because damn it, there has been a lot of dark and stormy news coming our way lately. After some discussion we decided we would attempt to lift

What we know

2009-02-28T00:38:00.000-05:00

Some smart person somewhere said that a miracle is that which inspires faith. Many of you are already aware that my own stockpile of faith has been under serious assault since like, um, 2006, year of the bitchening. Life has been... rugged. And not at all scenic. Yet another terrible and unexpected thing has happened, as you know: Bob, of Bob and Kate's Asylum for Wayward (Middle-Aged)

Mixed News

2009-02-26T15:43:00.001-05:00

Three nights ago, the boiler (sort of) exploded and silty water spewed all over the basement floor. By the time I caught it, the flood was an inch high. (I would have photographed this disaster for you had I clearance to violate the privacy of Bob and Kate's basement). (I don't). So Bob and Kate's daughter and I spent some uncalculated number of hours doing the hazmat dance in her parents'

Nina is naked

2009-02-25T18:18:00.001-05:00

Ok, not really. But take a look anyway: I left here some number of months because I feared I could not speak the truth about the day to day everything going on in my life without injuring others and bringing Nina (who is, after all, me) into personal relationships with readers - and finding myself by way of such conduct - unable to live up to whatever it was I thought Nina was. I felt unequal to

What day is this?

2008-11-17T11:14:00.006-05:00

Dear Friends who live in my computer, It is not because I am so busy that my hair is falling out (it is). It is not because I don't care anymore (I totally do). It is not because I don't have anything to say (oh, you better believe I do). It is not because I have stopped loving you (you are about all I have left). "It" is because I am not like Avitable or Lisa or even Julie. You see, Nina

Another crack in the firmament

2008-11-10T18:10:00.006-05:00

This weekend, I broke my all anonymous, all the time rule. I met LAS of This Too Shall Pass in New York City. She was here to visit friends, and since we spend most every day on chat tied at the back of the mind, I figured it was cowardly and absurd not to meet her. Several thoughts went through my mind as I contemplated this meeting. In no particular order:1) What if online simpatico does

So much to not say

2008-11-05T01:20:00.002-05:00

This has never been a blog about politics, and I have never pretended to endorse a politician or even to have feelings about anything related to local, or regional, or national politics. (I am against feelings. If you read my blog, you know why). Time will come that I will talk about what it is like to live here (ie, the place I am living) and what it is like to be a New Yorker, probably for

TBA

2008-10-30T09:17:00.002-04:00

Hi! If I neglect my blog for even one more day, I will be charged with TBA: Total Blog Abandonment (not to be confused with To Be Announced, which might fit the bill as well since I am going through a transitional thing that has me befuddled). What is this transitional thing? 1) I moved to a new pace. 2) I cut off all contact with my step mother. 3) I found out (yesterday) that my current full

How 'bout

2008-10-26T22:49:00.003-04:00

I haven't made the drawings yet. I am not yet organized. Rest assured that I am tucked into my new place and when I find myself able, I will write about the move process and talk more about what it is like to live here. Meanwhile, let me say only that I feel immensely better. (In case you missed it, I was feeling unwell, recently). In the interest of maintaining something like interest, I

Cool

2008-10-25T21:47:00.001-04:00

Everything is cool. I am okay. Will post tomorrow including drawings of my new place. Maybe also I'll describe the new neighborhood.Love, Nina

More differentness

2008-10-24T16:10:00.002-04:00

I spent my second night at a place we'll call Bob and Kate's Home for Wayward (Middle Aged) Women, and it is not half bad, so far. My cat, who you might recall biting me in violent resistance to ever leaving my apartment, seems to be taking the transition well. I put out food and water and he ate and drank and found a place to curl up and doze and I thought... gee. Now there is an enlightened

Done and Done

2008-10-22T23:22:00.003-04:00

If I get a chance to write tomorrow, the story will feature my doormen sneering at me, the porters sitting on their asses watching me move everything all by myself, me breaking down crying every time no one was looking, several things I care about getting stolen as I unloaded the car, and finally my cat biting the bejeezus out of my hand because he was afraid to get in the cat-carrier at 10

Last night in the Gothic Castle

2008-10-21T20:33:00.006-04:00

I graded papers and packed all day. Tonight is my last night living here:Of course it doesn't look like this right now. It is half empty and stacked with boxes and battered furniture. Tomorrow morning I have to finish packing the kitchen and then I have to track down a few more boxes to shove books into. Gah. The good news is that I have passed beyond stressed and freaking out and settled

Different

2008-10-20T19:48:00.005-04:00

I got "clearance" to move out on Wednesday, which will mean I have access to the service elevator and my friend's mother said I could borrow her car. The only problem is I have no one to drive it. Is this a problem? I can't decide. I was just thinking I would haul my stuff down the service elevator, go get the car (a 30 minute operation) and hope no one stole my stuff in the interim. Huh.

The Pain-Agony Sandwich, now with sides!

2008-10-18T10:37:00.008-04:00

My brother and I have had a running joke about how the years leading up to July 23, 2008, we were fed a mandatory foot long Anxiety sandwich three meals and (two snacks) a day, without variety. It (both the joke - and the un-happy meals) has grown old by now, but it (at least the joke) has enjoyed a resurgence since my father died. Now we eat the Pain-Agony sandwich every day without

Things to say later

2008-10-17T22:39:00.002-04:00

Stay tuned for a real post tomorrow featuring:a) drugs b) the baby Jesus c) emotional violence d) more crap about the baby Jesus e) me realizing how full of crap all this really is I just can't write today. Stop by tomorrow. I love you. For reals.

Whatever, already

2008-10-15T14:28:00.002-04:00

After hauling boxes and enduring the sneers of the entire staff of my building, I decided that I am going to take another week to move my remaining possessions over to the new house. I have to work and it's unavoidable, as is the chagrin of my building's entire staff if I don't sneak my remaining possessions out in back packs and duffle bags. I can only do so much in a day, and after the

This... is crazy

2008-10-14T11:29:00.002-04:00

There is no way a person can move over three days and then also work three jobs at the same time. And yet this is what I am doing. I have to be out of my apartment by, um, tomorrow. I have packed and packed and packed and packed, and yet there is still more crap to be unloaded and dealt with. It's unbelievably stressful, and yet I must do it and damnit, I have deadlines at work that I have to

Google Goggles.... they may have a point

2008-10-13T09:27:00.005-04:00

Recently, Gmail introduced a feature called Google Goggles and I think it may be a good feature. If I had use of it last night, I might not have accidentally hit send when I wrote the following email to my step mother. If you are not up to speed with the disaster currently afflicting my family, the short version is that my dad died in July, and a few months later, only though directly

Belately, my dear mother

2008-10-12T16:53:00.011-04:00

I must confess to the world (or, the four people who still read this blog) that I went to work on Friday wearing no undergarment (save an ill-fitting bra). My sainted mother, who would have killed herself had she known she could have raised a child such that the result would be thus, would have turned 65 yesterday, had she not died of breast cancer at 52. For all to see, my beautiful mother:

Black Magic Marker - or pantless?

2008-10-10T16:06:00.005-04:00

To cap off my week of work insanity and general turbulence, I had to be prepared to have one of my classes observed. If you do not work in the teaching industry, let me just say this: being observed is terrible. You can really prepare for it because, duh, it's just the same job you always do and the real wild card is the students - who on any given day are in any given mood and always surprise

Memo to Jesus

2008-10-09T14:00:00.002-04:00

To: Jesus Christ From: Nina, swears-a-lotRe: Jewishness Today, Jesus Christ, I write to thank you for being your lovely perfect self, but also for being Jewish and for making Judaism such an integral part of world culture. While I realize that after your torturous and unmerited execution, others created a new religion (or, like, hundreds) based on your teachings, if it were not for Judaism and

Another day passes

2008-10-08T20:35:00.005-04:00

I woke up at 9am after being up until after 1am grading papers. I hastily brushed my teeth and washed my face and answered 15 emails from students. I'll spare you the details. Then I went to visit Headologist Bootstraps, who had not seen me since early July. When I saw her last, I explained to her that I was going to be traveling for Africa for three weeks and that afterwards, I would be

The pain of chickens

2008-10-08T00:26:00.002-04:00

Here I am, up all night grading papers and willing myself not to give up and fail at my job. I am, at midnight, still grading, and I click on a submitted paper and find that a student has written a paper entitled "Chickens have a hard life."Well, I'll be damned. I had no idea that chickens were suffering so gravely, but guess what? I get to stay up for at least another hour and learn all

Not built in a day

2008-10-07T19:36:00.003-04:00

No emails, no phone calls, no nothing. We are going to do absolutely nothing until we have conferred with all of my dad's brothers, and the paltry check she says she mailed to my brother arrives and clears. It's rather like standing around with a grenade all day and waiting for permission to pull the pin and run run like hell.In other news, I did pack up three boxes and three duffle bags and my

Try this

2008-10-06T23:08:00.002-04:00

When you are out of xanax and temazepam, get a bottle of Courvoisier and just like drink it. Glass optional. My latest email to my step mother:Erika, This exchange has been painful for me, and from your tone, I can tell it has been for you, too. I am moving into someone else's house next week; I am working three jobs, and from what you have told me, all is just fine for you, so I have no

Thanks, Maggie

2008-10-04T09:55:00.000-04:00

Your result for How geeky are you?...Cool Introvert50% Geeky, 74% Cranial and 57% Introverted! You scored 50% Geeky, 74% Cranial and 57% Introverted! Brilliant! This is so very exciting because you have managed to maintain your intelligence yet steer clear of the path to geekiness. You are the rarest of the rare, not many people score in this category. I don't know if you realize the

Plague

2008-10-03T20:07:00.002-04:00

I really ought to delete that terrible post. Maybe I'll do that in just a minute. Meanwhile I am popping in to say only that I have the flu and it's fairly terrible, and since I have been cemented to my bed for the last few days, I am going to return there just as soon as I can get my arms around another bottle of Nyquil. Goodnight, all.

I await my Pulitzer

2008-10-01T15:28:00.006-04:00

Just to make sure that I maintain the standard of depressing, ill-tempered, and inappropriate posts you have all come to expect, I offer today a draft of the letter I intend to send to my dear step-mother. I have not sent it yet, and I don't plan to until I have cooled down sufficiently to edit a bit of the venom out of it. But you all might enjoy it. The venom, anyway. Here ya go: Erika, You

simple yes or no

2008-10-01T03:29:00.003-04:00

Can I date a 56 year old gypsy cab driver because he gets me?Is this maddness?And YES - I expect a real answer. Yes or no.

How about a post of a different kind

2008-09-30T08:44:00.003-04:00

I am on the road for work in some lovely upstate mountainous paradise. Upon waking in my hotel room, I remember I have to stop by the OB-GYN. (Work with me, people.. I was dreaming). When I get there the receptionist puts me in a chair and my doctor comes in with a folder and then some other doctor came in with some other folder and lifted some lab work out of it and started to chuckle.

Commonly asked questions

2008-09-29T22:30:00.006-04:00

a) There was no lawyer involved. They printed the wills off of Will.com and filled in their names. I would offer a pdf copy to you all but it would be, um, a bit grotesque? An invasion of their privacy at the very least.b) my step mother got Total Power Of Attorney from my father when he got sick. And when she got it, she transferred all the assets into HER name.c) this is then a moral battle,

Is this even interesting?

2008-09-29T13:24:00.004-04:00

I got an email back from my step mother stating that her will and my father's are "boilerplate" wills common to married couples and that the entire estate is left to her to be divided among her "five" children upon her death. The problem she does not address is that such boilerplate wills are common to people in FIRST marriages - where assets have been jointly gained and all children natural

Read and Rate

2008-09-29T00:17:00.006-04:00

Herewith, an email I have composed to my stepmother, who has sent a request via email, the import of which will become clear as you read my drafted response. My question to you, reader, is whether the response is A) snappishB) mean C) whiny D) appropriateE) oh shut up already. You got fucked. Deal with it. Here is what I intend to say to her:Erika, You said recently that your home had died

Puzzling

2008-09-29T00:16:00.001-04:00

Not one of you had the same wish as mine: time. I want the last ten years of my life back, and I want them badly. Or is that bad?

Anything

2008-09-25T21:05:00.003-04:00

Break my comment record. If you could have anything - I mean anything at all, what would it be? A Lincoln Towncar? A brownstone in Gramercy? A carton of Twinkies? A hundred bashful virgins? A cure for cancer? A monument to your greatness? What would you choose if you could have absolutely anything. Genie in the lamp.. but only one thing. What would it be?

The serpent beguiled me

2008-09-24T09:10:00.007-04:00

The way to my heart... is.... apparently.... green apples. Not the mushy fuji ones but the rock hard, speckled green ones you can only get if you to go the orchard. Very recently, a man lured me into going on an date with him and he accomplished this by producing an apple of the above description and offering it to me at a moment when I was, well, vulnerable. I wanted the apple. He wanted...

The sweetness of the twisted apple

2008-09-23T13:18:00.004-04:00

Once in a while I have days - yesterday was one of them. For the duration of these days I see nothing but beauty. It happens on the train most often: everywhere I look and in every face I see, there is something to notice and whatever the detail, it is always beautiful. I see a child in a stroller and the particular lift of the child's eyebrows or the wonderful perfect roundness of his

Standing at the piano

2008-09-21T15:54:00.012-04:00

Is that what they call it when you sit around and think about yourself a lot?I posted recently that I have been trying to figure out what the second half of my life is supposed to be like, and at the time I had some answers. But then something happened that make me realize that ridiculous list of things I want to do are things that I can't just do all at once, simultaneously - and that the list