Saturday, March 21, 2009

The good corkscrew

This won't be one of those posts where I make an effort to make sense or hope for coherence. I just have not been available lately, even to myself, for reflection. So I am just going to start typing.

I have been lowering the amount of the heavenly sleep inducing medication that induces sleep but also causes serious metabolic problems for 8 - 9% of patients. Go ahead and infer that I am in the 8 (or 9)% of people experience serious metabolic problems due to the heavenly sleep inducing medication. To be fair, it also caused most of the other harmless but still irritating side effects, so I am certain, even if I never sleep again, that cessation of this particular (heavenly) medication is necessary.

Speaking of heaven, I am not going to get in. Lately when I do sleep, I have dreams that are definitely going to prevent my admission into anything like life after death paradise. I am not even sure they take people who have these kinds of subconscious constructions in limbo. Curious? Well, I suppose I intended to arouse curiosity. I either have raunchy, perverted, vivid and scandalous dreams about sex, or I have dreams about exacting bloody and merciless revenge on... certain people. In my defense, I will say this: aside from that one real life incident where I might have kissed that man who was (and is) in every conceivable way grossly inappropriate, I have been a perfect gentlewoman with regard to sexual behavior in real life -- for like, a huge number of years now. Five? Six? I don't count anymore. Nuns would pretty much behave the way I do, (aside from that one real life incident where I might have kissed that man who was (and is) in every conceivable way grossly inappropriate). And yet due to the perverted things I make up in my brain when I am unconscious, I am totally screwed. EXCEPT TOTALLY NOT. How is this fair? Feh.

Which brings me to this: you know you have a bad relationship with alcohol when you have two corkscrews, one of which works really well and doesn't annoy you - and another that is too sciency and doesn't work very well and annoys you consistently - and the one you really like? You keep that one on your desk. Where you spend 16 hours a day. The other one? Hell if I know. I think it is in the kitchen. Somewhere. Maybe. But boy, howdy, I know where the good corkscrew is.

And how are all of you doing? Have I told you that you are beautiful, and I love you? Have I said so lately? Let me do so now: you are beautiful and I love you. Thank you for reading.

11 comments:

Catherine said...

I'm hereby wishing you continue getting heavenly sleep anyway. Also, you are beautiful and I love you, too.

Here's to the good corkscrew! Let it always be at hand. Wine's good for your heart.

Kate P said...

Pretty sure you can't be condemned for your dreams. . . I haven't had a date in about a year now, and (of the ones I remember) some of my dreams can be racy. So what? You're creative and passionate. And maybe once everything balances out from easing off the sleep meds, your dreams will balance out, too. I used to take sleep meds, years ago--I was a terrible insomniac from my teens on. Would you like me to send you my "Christopher O'Riley plays Radiohead" CD? That's my sleep assistance.

We love you and care about you, too. I prayed for you at church tonight.

Avitable said...

I am pretty fucking beautiful, it's true.

LizB said...

Somehow I missed your return; sorry about that and welcome back. I've missed you!

Mrs. Who said...

My husband faced similar issues with the sleep meds...and the dreams.

But dreams are good, even if they're 'bad'. It means your mind is working things out, instead of having them locked in.

e! said...

I believe it was God himself who said, "It ain't over til it's over!"

I wouldn't worry about your transgressions until there is no longer an opportunity to right the wrongs. So long as you are still kicking, you have time to kick down righteousness.

sybil law said...

I've had some insane dreams myself, and sometimes, I think they are just that - dreams.
Or maybe you really need to get laid and gut a bitch.
:D
Either way, you're beautiful - and I am so glad you're posting again!

Finn said...

I don't think you can be held accountable for your subconscious. Besides, you can always blame it on the heavenly medication.

Love you too!

Maggie said...

I'm jsut glad I never took this off my blog-reader -- how glad was I to see you were posting here again!

You get a free pass on dreams, I'm pretty sure. And also on kissing, IMHO. particularly when you are beautiful and I love you so...

clickmom said...

When it comes to corkscews I use only the most basic restaurant sommelier (sp?) type. It makes me feel more authentic somehow. If our dreams affect our afterlives, I am completely doomed as well. They might have to make a new level of hell for me and my somewhat demented subconscious.

Anonymous said...

It is my first post here, so I would like to say hallo to all of you! It is definitely comfort to go your community!