Showing posts with label cosmic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cosmic. Show all posts

Friday, July 29, 2011

Boundaries? Not really.

I have about seven minutes (perhaps less) to post before I must return to my living room and join my roommate for a back episode of Project Runway.

What's that, you ask? Nina... has a roommate?

Yes. Yes, Nina does. LAS and I are now roommates in New York City. What's that? You think it's really risky to move in with someone you met on the internet?

Well... for me, this move involved relocating about 2 miles east. For LAS, it involved relocating about 883 miles east. Bigger risk for her for sure. Plus we have been getting to know each other for... four years. That's long enough.

And what about the old advice that you should never become roommates with your best friend?
Well... this is about the most uncomplicated and unconfusing decision I have ever made in my life. I have no doubt this is going to work out, whatever smart people might say about boundaries. LAS has been here a week and we are having tons of fun.

So how are all of you?


Sunday, July 26, 2009

Questions

I have been thinking. (I know. I know. Drink more, think less: happy life). (But I have been thinking anyway).


I have questions for God.

No, the are not questions such as "why have you been so not awesome to me?" and they are not questions like "is there a paradise for Cathead -- even though Cathead was a dirty, dirty sinner (even in his most charming moments)?

My questions are:

1) God, what if the fall angel, Lucifer, the evil one, requested a meeting with you and repented of all his pridefulness and bad behaviors and begged forgiveness? Would you grant it? And if you did, how might that decision impact the whole everything? (I am serious about this question. I really want to know if the fallen angel has ever said to him or herself: gosh... I probably made a serious error, here. Can I fix it?).

2) Catholic theology teaches that if you skip Mass to go bowling with your friends and you get hit by a car on the way home, you are damned just as surely and completely as mass murderers and and child rapists. Are you serious?

3) God, I believe in you. I think you exist and I think you are powerful and probably good looking, too. But love you? I am sorry, but I don't really love you. Don't get me wrong. I want to love you. I am told that I should. But love is something people feel for their friends, their family, their Catheads - maybe even their favorite board game. The fact is, God, I cannot picture you, unless you count the endless images of Jesus stretched out on a cross and looking for all the world like he was of Swiss descent, even though the overwhelming likelihood is that he was short and dark and certainly had brown eyes. Oh wait. Where was I? Love is personal. It is big hearted and faithful and hopeful. However, in your case, my images of you are ephemeral and my understanding of your influence in my life is at best... confusing. Frankly, I am terrified of you. Love? Where do I even start? I mean thanks that I am I fat, white, American person. Thanks that I am not deformed or prohibitively stupid. But I think you know I would rather have had other challenges. More on that later.

I ask these questions well aware that if I die in the next ten minutes I will be pulled to pieces by demons and roasted alive (dead) for the consumption of demon-types who love the taste of fat white girls. But I still have to ask.

Comments: if you have one (or two questions) that you would ask God (assuming you believe in God and assuming you would get an answer), what would it be?)

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Attendance

If you are still reading (bless you), please comment so I know who you are.  Include also any recommendations regarding content, style, design, polish color - whatever.   Rethinking things and I need some ideas.   Help Nina out, por favor.  

I love you more than ever.  

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Cosmic

I love it when you've just spoken about an obscure interesting topic, or were preoccupied with same for awhile, and then you find in the newspaper the next day a comic strip that touches on that exact topic (esp when it reflects a particular thought you had about it).

I love it when a song you haven't heard in 15 years pops into your head and then a few hours later, you're at the drug store, and it starts piping through their speakers.  Or you're at a friend's house, and their brother is sampling it for a mix, or you're at Target or some such, and someone has that album in the baby seat of their cart.

The classic:  I love it when you think of a long-not-thought-of and perhaps unlikely person, and then a while later, the phone rings, and it's them.  I had this happen to me relatively recently:  Since not too long after I left Seattle, a pal named Amy slipped from the currents of my thinking and we fell out of touch.  Four years later, in the late morning, on the bus, I randomly thought of her and remembered bits of conversation with her. I recalled driving her neat little car, having an evening at an outdoor café with her friends, etc.  Then, I carried on with life and work and whatever else I was up to, Amy re-relegated to slipped-from-currents status.  Many hours later, when I got home, there was an email saying I'd been friended at Facebook by Amy H., and would I accept?  I just sat there for a few seconds, unbelieving.  My skin just lit up with chills all over, my eyebrows launched up a lot farther than they are accustomed to being, and I had to scoop my jaw up off of my knees.  The skin was the thing, man.  I've gotten chills before, but never quite like that.

I love Déjà Vu.  One experience in particular sticks with me, as I was not (and remain not) fully convinced it was simply a brain chemistry thing.  It just feels cosmic and too meaningful and meaty for that.  Not long after I came to L.A. the first time, 22 years ago, I walked out of a store and over to catch a bus at Sunset Blvd. and Fairfax Ave.  I was at the South West corner of the intersection, when for some reason I turned around and looked North toward the hillside.  The sensation that came over me was as completely real as it was surreal - I remembered what I was looking at, I remembered seeing this.  I remembered this place perfectly well.  It did not feel like a 'sensation' of memory, it didn't feel like a particularly intense Déjà Vu experience, it felt like "Oh, yeah, of course, this spot." I had never been to this spot in my entire life.

I treasure my sound rationality.  When you ask me what I believe, the word science will be somewhere in the first sentence out of my mouth.  I can't math my way out of a paper bag, but I know damn well what it is and means, and I love its elegance and logic.  I love the law; I love the indisputability of 4-D science and math and the scientific method.  But I also love, even a few degrees more, when that is called into question on some point or other.  Quantum physics and mechanics says nothing if not "all bets are off".  My cosmic coincidences do this too, at least in my own mind.  I am compelled to toy with the mystery and wonder about things greater than our 4-D physical space-time continuum.  I struggle with it, but I love it.  My spiritual growth must necessarily be in concert with the truth as I understand it; I would rather that challenge of making only the leaps of faith I can with the added weight of a physics textbook.

I love magic and happily use that word for the sensation upon experiencing the cosmic coincidences and other inexplicable stuff.  I love using it to describe the certainty of rightness of a fast-friend connection with a brand new person, the recognition that comes with that.  I love using it to describe an instance where 'everything just came together perfectly' out of disorder or confusion, especially when it happens right on time.

I am a believer of sorts, really.  I believe in love and that love trumps everything.  I believe in a greater, all encompassing love that I have for humanity and our history.  I think we're a charming and beautiful lot overall, the human race, and viewing it and being part of it has moved me to every point and subpoint on the emotional spectrum.

My spiritual growth has shifted and grown incrementally over the course of my cognizant life, with few critical spurts here and there, but one thing that has remained constant is my love for and belief in the spectacular power of humanity.  It is transcendent even of its own humbler self, its faulty daily grind from which the elements of that magic are necessarily drawn.  It is remarkable grandeur from rocky, chaotic little details and earnest progress. It is greater exponentially than the sum of its parts.  It's cosmic.

By Catherine

P.S. Thanks for having me, Nina.  ((Hugs))