Sunday, July 26, 2009


I have been thinking. (I know. I know. Drink more, think less: happy life). (But I have been thinking anyway).

I have questions for God.

No, the are not questions such as "why have you been so not awesome to me?" and they are not questions like "is there a paradise for Cathead -- even though Cathead was a dirty, dirty sinner (even in his most charming moments)?

My questions are:

1) God, what if the fall angel, Lucifer, the evil one, requested a meeting with you and repented of all his pridefulness and bad behaviors and begged forgiveness? Would you grant it? And if you did, how might that decision impact the whole everything? (I am serious about this question. I really want to know if the fallen angel has ever said to him or herself: gosh... I probably made a serious error, here. Can I fix it?).

2) Catholic theology teaches that if you skip Mass to go bowling with your friends and you get hit by a car on the way home, you are damned just as surely and completely as mass murderers and and child rapists. Are you serious?

3) God, I believe in you. I think you exist and I think you are powerful and probably good looking, too. But love you? I am sorry, but I don't really love you. Don't get me wrong. I want to love you. I am told that I should. But love is something people feel for their friends, their family, their Catheads - maybe even their favorite board game. The fact is, God, I cannot picture you, unless you count the endless images of Jesus stretched out on a cross and looking for all the world like he was of Swiss descent, even though the overwhelming likelihood is that he was short and dark and certainly had brown eyes. Oh wait. Where was I? Love is personal. It is big hearted and faithful and hopeful. However, in your case, my images of you are ephemeral and my understanding of your influence in my life is at best... confusing. Frankly, I am terrified of you. Love? Where do I even start? I mean thanks that I am I fat, white, American person. Thanks that I am not deformed or prohibitively stupid. But I think you know I would rather have had other challenges. More on that later.

I ask these questions well aware that if I die in the next ten minutes I will be pulled to pieces by demons and roasted alive (dead) for the consumption of demon-types who love the taste of fat white girls. But I still have to ask.

Comments: if you have one (or two questions) that you would ask God (assuming you believe in God and assuming you would get an answer), what would it be?)


Joel said...

Mosquitoes? What in [eternal perdition] were You thinking?

Finn said...

What's with this aging bullshit?

ingrid said...

it's so much easier to not believe in god. ;)

or at least to believe that i can't possibly understand god. i used to believe and think i rejected belief simply because i was drowning in questions.

i figure all the human constructions around a possible god are necessarily faulty. (?)

sybil law said...

I second Joel - what's with the mosquitoes and ticks and fleas?
(Also, i personally believe our animals go to heaven, because would it really be a heavenly place without them there with us?!)
I'm sure I have better questions but I also have 6 kids screaming outside I need to check on...

Julie said...

I no longer believe in God. At all. I used to think that I could get away with spirituality by attempting Paganism. In the past few years I have even shunned that. Although for some reason I absolutely believe in karma.

Your prior post where you mentioned Secular Humanism prompted me to research. Yep, that's me.

That said, if I am wrong and there is a God, of any sort, I would ask if observing the results of Free Will is as amusing as I would imagine.

Kate P said...

Hey, God. . . when something bad happens in your life, and people try to console you by saying, "God has something better in mind for you," (A) can they really know what's in your mind; and (B) if it's even remotely true, if something better hasn't happened in, say, four years. . . well, not to be rude, but what's taking so long?

Jennifer Griffin-Wiesner said...

"Which one of your kids is your favorite?"

Ryan said...

Does your beard itch and do you shave it for the summer?

Mrs. Who said...

Why, oh why, God, did you think women needed menstruation? And none of that crap about the snake and the apple, either.

LizB said...

Why cancer?

What is your favorite practical joke that you've played, because I'm sure they are many in number?

How do you really feel about homosexuality? I'm tired of hearing what your people say about it.

I have many more. Interesting topic.

Anonymous said...

Why have you invented depression? F.

Catherine said...

Here, reading, paying attn, just thought I'd let you know.