Monday, November 17, 2008

What day is this?

Dear Friends who live in my computer,

It is not because I am so busy that my hair is falling out (it is). It is not because I don't care anymore (I totally do). It is not because I don't have anything to say (oh, you better believe I do). It is not because I have stopped loving you (you are about all I have left). "It" is because I am not like Avitable or Lisa or even Julie.

You see, Nina lives out there in space and her words bounce off technology of some kind (Nina is no scientist) and then her words land in your Google Reader. This is how Nina has always interfaced with you. If you've been paying close (... really close, eyeball toasting close) attention, Nina's anonymity is eroding as a direct result of Nina's words not bouncing off the technology thingy. (This might be a good time to stop talking about myself in the third person).

Lately, my words have been bouncing off the faces of real people, and some of my in real life friends and a few family members have stumbled into this internet diary. Everything I might say I can no longer say because Nina (I) has wandered too close to the atmosphere of earth and she (I) is getting all burned up and dead upon entry. I can't talk like this. I need to be anonymous, and I am not anymore.

I would not have survived (truth, not hyperbole) this year without your support and encouragement, and I am kicking myself square in my virtual ass (which one can only do when one is two people and one of them is imaginary) for letting things get of hand. It was probably inevitable, but it hurts like hell. I will really miss you (us).*



* After I have imaginarily slept with like 9 other figments of my imagination, who knows? Maybe I will come crawling back here and beg you to take me back. I hear that's what most people do when they break up with their computers. Let's both just assume you'll still have me if I get good and cleaned up and do my best beg and grovel.


ingrid said...

good luck sweet girl. thinking of you and wishing you only good things.

Mr. Bingley said...

i hope you get some peace.

Catherine said...

I hope you're still checking your RWS email. I sent you one a few days ago... I will be in NYC on January 28th. I still have hope that we can get coffee or something. Please email me :)

Best wishes with the whole blogging/or not thing. I'd love for you to be able to continue with it if you're finding it to be good for you. If you set up a new, even more anonymous blog, pls let me know. Mum's the word, forever, pinkie swear.

P said...

I've lived in fear of this moment. I'll miss you - send me a quick note if you start up again under a new guise.


sybil law said...

Dear Nina (not you - the other one),

Please keep in touch. I will miss you. It might even be nice to have your address for holiday card sharing and the like. Please don't tell Nina - but you were my favorite.

ellie said...

Let me know if you start up under another assumed name. Good luck.

Rick(y) said...

From what I've been reading over the passed year, you certainly garnered the support of some great people on and off the webs. I won't be surprised to see you again, under some other assumed anonymous identity. Much love!

Rick(y) said...

Dammit, I used "passed" instead of "past." "...the passed year" sounds like the memoir of a kidney stone.

Perpetua said...

I'd also like an update when/if you move elsewhere.

Maggie May said...

Nina, I had this happen to me as well. Eventually, I reinvented myself elsewhere, and invited just those anonymous internet friends who I'd come to cherish, to follow.

If you ever do the same, please let me know. I have enjoyed your blog.

Like the others here, I wish you only good things.

tracey said...

Oh, no! Don't go! I only just started reading you!


I had the same thing happen to me, so I do understand -- you need to do what's best for you -- but, selfishly, I'm now completely bummed.

Take care, Nina. I hope life treats you better and pronto.

nightfly said...

Nina - I'm sorry. It stinks to lose your icognito. I know that a voice like yours may reappear elsewhere but can't ever be silenced. I also know that you're going to get back to the surface. Take heart and be at peace. And like many others have said, do email if you decide to post elsewhere. We promise complete discretion.

tiff said...

It's a tricky thing, this keeping as anonymous as is safe while being able to say what you want.

Be well.

Dagny said...

Take care, and all the best.

I'll be thinking about you and awaiting your return.


Mrs. Who said...

Sure hate to see you go...but sure as hell understand. But I'm crossing fingers that maybe, just maybe, you'll let me know if you decide to show up elsewhere in the blogosphere. But if not, best wishes to you.

M@ said...

I miss Nina.

Anonymous said...

I still check your blog a lot. I suppose that makes me a rejection junkie. :-) Miss you.

Visit me if you want to.

Not updated often at all, but it's there.

Effortlessly Average said...

...and here I am, thinking about you from time to time, hoping you're finding the peace you so desire.

I'd like to say something -anything- that would spark in you a desire to stop acting like you never knew me at all, but that may be asking too much. You told me once that you'd find a way to sabotage anyone who got anywhere close to "too close." I guess you were right. Now that you're gone, and I, too, have laid EA to the side, to perhaps never pick up again, I suppose it makes no difference that I say this to you now.

I can't even begin to understand what you went through this year, but I can comprehend how difficult it must have been. I could have also -willingly, eagerly- been there to help; had you let me. Yet somewhere in the anguish and dismay that envelopes us at a time of loss, I suppose I became the embodiment of all you find distasteful in men. Perhaps it was just easier to label me a thoughtless bastard, popping back into my life twice, perhaps to prove that you're a better friend than me? Still, I find myself continuing to actually care if you're happy and at peace with your own demons. Take care of yourself Nina. I'll miss you.

didi said...