Monday, April 27, 2009

.... in Translation

I had a post almost ready to go about how happy I am that things are settling down and how glad I am that I can live my life free from all interference from the recent abhorrent and improbable events characterizing the last three years of my life. The first three sentences feature the word "happy" in multiple usages.

Too bad I am not going to publish that one.

Herewith, an email received from Erika, the woman I introduced to my father, the woman my father married, the woman my father lost all interest in his children over, the woman who gained power of attorney over my father, transferred all of his assets into her own name, and finally, drafted a will (she got the template from!) calling herself sole beneficiary and executor of this will. (The part where she took control of his assets beforehand was just good planning).

Was I about to show you an email? Oh yeah. Here it is along with my translations in the interleaves:


As we hurtle toward "the"
are the quotation marks supposed to denote the date of my father's death as superlative? Because guess what? In terms of the agony his death caused my family, the actual dying part ranks pretty low. The death march out onto the deck to have our "last" ever conversation with him probably wins the prize)  anniversary, things here are pretty raw are you fucking kidding me? It's raw sitting on your ass in the million dollar house that you did nothing to earn -- in your windsock of nightgown, all day -- because you don't need a job because you are literally drowning in cash - ie, all the money my father made while he was married to my mother? THAT is raw? You want to know what's raw, sister? Raw is living in someone else's attic because you can't afford to support yourself.... because your credit card bills for all those visits to the ICU were stratospheric. Raw??? here. THERE??? You mean out on the deck overlooking the lake, shoveling food into your mouth that you didn't pay for? Maybe it's the same where you are. I wish. I would vastly prefer to lay on my ass and do nothing -- except for the really challenging part of the week when I had to go visit my grief counsellor. Must be nice. There's a really bad stretch up ahead, but some of those memories are of us sticking together and helping each other. You want to know what I remember about that "stretch"? I remember paying $1200 for a plane ticket, $400 for a rental car, and $120 for a hotel room in order to see my dad, and I remember, as I walked into my father's house, you, Erika, putting your arms around my father and saying, "You never have to talk to her again" before you pushed him, against his will into the bedroom for a "nap." A superlative one, you betcha. Was that the "sticking together" you were thinking of? Or was it the part where you fled my father's funeral because one person from my mother's family dared to show up and wreck your delusion that my father actually loved someone, ever, other than you? As hard as this anniversary is, maybe we can bring something good out of it, something that Harry would want. OMG I can hardly wait. How many buckets of blood do you want to bet that the really special and virtuous and right thing my father would supposedly want is actually something YOU want for yourself? So I will say to you all please forgive me for anything you feel I did or did not do. Never, ever, ever. Now go put a bag over your head and drown yourself. If you look into your heart and can't quite find that forgiveness, I looked. Nope! then look inside Harry's heart and things may look different to you. Well, well, well. There it is. My father would want us to forgive you... for alienating him from us, appropriating all of his assets, and making us strangers in our own house. Except to be technical, it wasn't our house anymore anyway. Bitch, for you to invoke the love and respect we have for our father and then endeavor to manipulate us into forgiving you for dismantling my family, taking what you wanted, and going out for a latte, illustrates in hi-def that you know nothing about forgiveness. You don't know what it is, what it is for, or what it means. My father was a man - not Jesus Christ himself. And you, dirty pirate whore, don't get to drop a bomb on someone else's life and then say "if you could only see this from your father's perspective, you would see that he really did want to destroy you. And who are we to question his will? Or is it His? I get so confused between Jesus and my husband. But I know they both wanted you to get fucked over, so none of this is my fault." He was the most forgiving person anyone of us will ever know, As far as I know, the only crime I committed against my father in the last years of his life was loving him so much my hair fell out - that and "bothering him" by visiting him while he had cancer. But whatever, dad. Since forgiveness is such a strong attribute of yours, sorry. I really regret having that much faith in you. If Erika got you a little confused with God, I got you a lot confused with God. 100%, actually, which is why a nine months later, I still can't believe you abandoned me, all for a piece of ass. So yeah, I am sorry. A lot. I should never have made that mistake and we all learned more about God from watching him the last couple years of his life than we'll ever learn anywhere else. If that was supposed to teach us about God, no thanks. I think I'll just be secular humanist or something. I hear those people are at least nice to each other and believe in justice. I could use a little of both of those, or a lot. Whatever is available.

We can't fix the world, but we can fix our little part of it. Solve my problem for me by saying you are cool with with what I did to you. Then we'll go to work on what? Gaza?

I love you all.

(... translation: I love that you were all foolish enough to trust me. That makes you good people.)

Yeah, I know. I know. I know. But if I can't do this here, where can I do it?

Thank you for reading.


Evil Twin's Wife said...

I can't believe she even had the nerve to write that! Oh, she's definitely going to burn in hell, I just know it!

Finn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Finn said...

I'd like to have whatever drugs she's on, please. Then I can hallucinate that I'm married to Colin Farrell. And am 25.

ingrid said...

huh. too bad she didn't include a cheque to go with all that forgiveness... maybe sell the house. make things right in some sort of real way.

Anonymous said...

This seems like a weird time to tell you Nina, but I'm really glad you're back and mingling with your friends who live in the computer.

:-) I missed you.

Catherine said...

My being hopelessly appalled continues. She smears the sacred, then taunts it from behind a veil contrived of fake virtue. How in the world does this sort of beast live with itself?

Avitable said...

Holy shit. I'm so appalled at her insincerity and manipulation.

sybil law said...

What a manipulative, delusional, self absorbed BITCH!
I hate her.

Julie said...

I adore you. And she's a lunatic.

ByJane said...

Question re catharsis:Did The Reader feel better writing this? Why or why not? (Please develop your response with appropriate examples as discussed in class)

Maggie said...

It's really strange how very little she said. The anniversary of your father's death is coming up. I am delusional in my memory of how it all went down. Though not really delusional because I know I need to be forgiven for something. So just forgive me, okay?

Most requests for forgiveness include some expression of regret over the act that needs forgiving. but she doesn't even posit a clue to what is to be forgiven. "If you think I did something wrong, please forgive me for it, whatever it was. I have no idea what your problem is, but you should get over it. Your dad would want it that way."


I suppose you could respond with a list of what exactly it is you "think" she did and did not do. Then follow that up with a list of ways she can redeem herself to earn the forgiveness.

But we all know that is just throwing good hope after bad.....

nightfly said...

You've got all the prayers I can offer, Nina. This horrible horrible woman. She isn't asking for forgivenes at all, only to be enabled, and you are completely proper in refusing to comply, to assent, to ratify her abominable crapulence.

The way your Dad suffered with grace and kept living his life was a wonderful testament to God, as well as to his own bravery and dignity. It's worse than a crime to think that his ex-wife so manipulated events behind the scenes as to ruin even your memories of those times. My advice may be well-nigh useless but if I may blunder ahead - PLEASE don't let her take that as well as all the tangible things she stole from you and your family. No fucking way. That bitch can lump it before she takes away what you loved most about your Dad.

God's peace be with you, Nina.

Kate P said...

What a twisted e-mail. You are a very brave woman to read anything from her (and translate for us).

I seriously wonder to what extent she really knew your dad.

Dagny said...

What a cunt.

And this " dirty pirate whore" is perfect.

I'm so fucking sorry. I wish she'd DIAF for you.


Dagny said...

Oh, and that's the kind of fucking email my own mom sends. they must be very alike, those two bitches...


Again...sorry. :(