Thursday, February 4, 2010

Owning the slow lane

Today I went to the gym. (I have gone to the gym every day since January 1st). (I am still not hot).

But so anyway I was at the gym and I figured since I had the swim suit with me I would swim laps after my normal work out, you know, sort of like bonus calorie burning.

(Digression: I swam competitively in college, which is to say I drank a whole lot and then compensated for it by showing up to practice each afternoon and gasping my way through a division three work out in the SLOW lane. I was never in it for crushing other people with my speed and prowess. I was into detoxification and, to be perfectly honest... perfect form. I thought of nothing as I swam those laps (NOTHING! NOTHING!) except perfect form (oh and maybe should I sleep with my BFF's boyfriend... yes or no?).

So today dove into the slow lane and OH MY...

I cannot begin to tell you what the water felt like. Memories of all those mid afternoons and early mornings spent lapping back and forth across the pool rushed back my limbs and suddenly I was half way across the pool and oh my God... it was, no joke, heaven. If there is a heaven, mine has a long course swimming pool. With the little flags over the top for backstrokers.

Happy. Glide, glide, breathe glide, flip, glide, etc.

Then someone else got in my lane, and that is when the second most unexpected thing happened. I got, how you say, aggressive. Almost hostile. I had to be faster than she was and I made damn sure I was. Glide, glide, breathe flip truned into a ferocious attention to gaining time on the turns and stepping up tempo and breathing efficiently SO I COULD CRUSH THE ENEMY.

(I crushed her).

But seriously, I was surprised at myself. A lot. I haven't seen that person in a long, long time. In college, I owned the slow lane. I was the fastest person in it and my form was exquisite, but I lost races. I was just not that fast. I lived with it. I had big boobs and I drank a lot so I figured I was doing the best I could given my physical and personal limitations.

But now, at forty, with even bigger boobs, and serious limitations I won't even begin to list, all that losing has caught up with me. I don't want to be slow anymore. Or medium with good form WHATEVER ALREADY. I want to win.

And all this has me thinking: what happened? I am not competitive. I don't compare myself to others. I feel good about others' achievements. I like not standing out. RIGHT?

Well, hell if I know. In the pool at least, I am just not that person anymore. It makes me wonder what else about me is changing. (I'll take change. Pretty much everything about me is material for revision).

Love love love. It's the only thing that matters. (Ok, that and winning).

19 comments:

Finn said...

Not sure what this means, but go with it. Change is good.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
sybil law said...

I am generally not competitive, at least in daily life, but put me in certain situations and I am ALL into it. It always freaks me out, too.
Still - I don't think it's a bad thing, at all.

Catherine said...

Well, see if that sense keeps finding you. You may have tapped a new wellspring, or it may have just been that day, that moment, maybe a fierceness about someone intruding on your bliss and bringing you from a lovely memory into the present? Or maybe no reason, just a fluke of energy and emotion. But maybe just see if it keeps finding you before you develop expectations of yourself/that sense. If it's a new aspect of who you are, you GO girl! Shall cheer you on as always, either way.

Jennifer Griffin-Wiesner said...

I used to be hyper competitive and seem to have lost most of my drive to win at anything. I think your way sounds better.

Kate P said...

All right! I second the "mojo" tag.

Avitable said...

Did I hear big boobs?

ByJane said...

omg you're getting link spammers...viagra for sale at pharmashack - get it now not later


sorry...that spam ad did something to my mind--

good for you, swimming and winning...my only problem with swimming is that you have to get wet

Anonymous said...

Well I to but I contemplate the list inform should secure more info then it has.

Effortlessly Average said...

My question is, what did you decide with respect to the bff's boyfriend? Yes or no?

Romy S said...

Just found your blog and really like it. I'm forty too. Have a lot of the same thoughts. I also want to finish writing my novel (started it almost 10 years ago). I blog about food, art, and my general observations on life. I invite you to check out my blog and comment. I will be following you. http://outsidethelane.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Virgi said...

I have read your blog for the first time today. I must say, I wasted a lot of time here (that's a good thing, the time was only wasted because I should've been doing productive "real person" things).

As an editor, soon-to-be English teacher, grammarian, and imperfect writer, I feel that I must help you fix your parenthetical punctuation.

When a parenthetical comment follows a complete sentence, that is, when a sentence begins inside the parenthesis, the end punctuation goes inside the closing parenthesis. (Now, for example, since this comment has begun after an already ended sentence, my period will stay with the thought, inside it's own little home.) But if a parenthetical comment takes place within a sentence (such as this one), or if it is at the end of an unended sentence, the end punctuation goes outside the closing parenthesis (like the period I'm about to use).

I'm sorry that this is how we have to "meet" and I apologize for such an unnecessarily long comment.

Anonymous said...

Genial post and this post helped me alot in my college assignement. Say thank you you seeking your information.

ms said...

Hi, Up to early, reading blogs, your's is by far the most thoughtful, well written and interesting I've come upon.

M... in upsate NY (born and raised in Westchester Co.)

_ said...

haha I love the competitiveness! Thats the way when I run! Seems like you've come a long way! Congrats!

-
lettersfromthemonastery.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Someone deleted a variety of links from badongo and uploading ...

From now, we will use www.tinyurlalternative.com as our main [url=http://www.tinyurlalternative.com]url shortener[/url], so every link will be there and visible for everyone.

You can pick out from many great [url=http://kfc.ms]short url[/url] address like:

kfc.ms easysharelink.info jumpme.info megauploadlink.info megavideolink.info mygamelink.info myrapidsharelink.info mytorrentlink.info myurlshortener.com mywarezlink.info urlredirect.info urlshrinker.info weblinkshortener.com youtubelink.info and many others.

They include above 60 other available domains and the [url=http://myurlshortener.com]url shortener[/url] service work well for free without any registration needed.

So we assume it is good idea and suggest you to use [url=http://urlredirect.info]url redirect[/url] service too!

Thank you.

Aaron Thomae said...

I really enjoy reading your blog, please read mine and let me know what you think!

bestvacationdestinations.blogspot.com/

Keep up the good work!

Miss jane said...

AV,無碼,a片免費看,自拍貼圖,伊莉,微風論壇,成人聊天室,成人電影,成人文學,成人貼圖區,成人網站,一葉情貼圖片區,色情漫畫,言情小說,情色論壇,臺灣情色網,色情影片,色情,成人影城,080視訊聊天室,a片,A漫,h漫,麗的色遊戲,同志色教館,AV女優,SEX,咆哮小老鼠,85cc免費影片,正妹牆,ut聊天室,豆豆聊天室,聊天室,情色小說,aio,成人,微風成人,做愛,成人貼圖,18成人,嘟嘟成人網,aio交友愛情館,情色文學,色情小說,色情網站,情色,A片下載,嘟嘟情人色網,成人影片,成人圖片,成人文章,成人小說,成人漫畫,視訊聊天室,性愛,正妹牆,情色視訊,愛情小說,85cc成人片,成人貼圖站