Tuesday, June 23, 2009

More Again?

My family continues to shrink. My sister's husband has abandoned their marriage after 9 years. They dated 5 years before they married in 2000. I would post a picture if it were not a violation of their privacy. And I have to say that although my sister is her own special snowflake, I couldn't be married to her for ten minutes. This post is not about blame. It is about grief.

Regardless of my feelings or opinions about Chiara and her marriage and her spouse, I am heartbroken.

Is it normal to feel heartbroken when a marriage fails? A marriage that is not your own?

I suspect I am suffering from transference; am I making all the sad I won't let myself feel about the loss of my mother and my father come out through this seemingly ordinary civic event.

So much loss. So much regret. So much sadness. So little to hold onto. My sister's husband was (is) just a regular guy, but once the gates of my family corral close behind you, they close behind you forever - or so I thought. It breaks my heart to think that anyone would want to get out, to no longer be one of us.


sybil law said...

I guess it would be impossible not to take it personally!
Hang in there. xoxo

Avitable said...

He might not want to leave your family, but just your sister. My wife's family has ex-spouses who are more loved than the original family member!

Dagny said...

Im sorry. That sucks.


Finn said...

Aw, that's too bad. I can't help but wonder if everything surrounding your dad's death didn't shake things up.

Kate P said...

Very sad to hear. And, no, I don't think there's anything wrong with being sad at another couple's breakup. At the very least there is empathy and compassion to explain it.

LizB said...

I feel sad when any long-term union breaks up. Two people enter a relationship with high expectations, and when it doesn't work out, there is much disillusionment. As a people, we seem to be getting worse at making commitments work. Definitely a sobering thought!