Sunday, June 14, 2009

Time again

What happens next?

Seven months after moving into Bob and Kate's Asylum, I have been thinking a lot - probably more than is healthy for a girl like me.

Everything I assumed would happen in my life did not happen, and a whole lot of other things happened instead. Let me assure you that this is not whining; it is a simple statement of facts.

I wanted to graduate from college without having learned anything temporally relevant, and for the most part, I succeeded. Byron, Shakespeare, Sylvia Plath - cool. I even composed a performance art piece during which I extinguished candles on various parts of my body. (I got an A on in that class).

I am not constituted to solve world famine, genocide, dirty terrible people of other cultures were the jurisdiction of other young idealists. I just wanted peace. Green grass. Leafy trees, waterfalls, smiling babies. This makes me a lightweight. Morally speaking, of course.

And of course, because on the very best of days, God thinks I am fit for... what? a spittoon? I find that I am the person my family and my therapist believe is responsible for confronting the evil of Erika. Why? Because of everyone in my family, I was the one most injured. Also, because no one else in my family wants to explain it to her because it's all so very untidy and Gosh, what to say? So Nina should just do it.

Normally I am up for a writing project, especially if I can be vituperative and profane.

But this time? This time... internet, I confess that I simply would not know where to start. I just want her to die. But before she does, I want her to know perhaps for the first time, what she did to me, my family, and my father, the love of my life.

Crazy train? I'll be at the bar.

Love,
Nina

8 comments:

Dagny said...

I want her to die too.

I'm sorry Nina. :(

xoxo

Finn said...

Perhaps she could simply evaporate. Disappear without a trace.

That being said, I think telling her off would do you a world of good.

Avitable said...

It's not crazy at all.

I'll get my shovel.

Anonymous said...

Its bad Nina. She hurted you but you dont need to go that down. You owe it to yourself. I wish you started by changing the layout of your blog to start with. The rest will come little by little. it breaks my heart to see you in sucha dark place. F.(been reading your for more than a year)

Kate P said...

The bar sounds like a perfect starting point to me!

sybil law said...

I wish she would die, too. What a hateful bitch!
You really are awesome. I love reading your words. May not be solving cancer, but it makes a difference to me.
:)

cajunvegan said...

I know this sounds cliche, but what goes around comes around. She'll get hers.

LizB said...

The harsh reality is that people like her aren't capable of understanding what they did; she will never get it.