Here is the dream I had after I woke up hung over this morning and went back to sleep.
I dreamed that I was drunk at the computer, (that actually happens in real life sometimes.... damn those mojtos... ) and decided it was time to stop being so shy already have a real blog with the real me right there on it for the whole world to see.
So what did drunken computer me do? I stripped down to the sluttiest lingerie I have (and believe me, I have some slutty undergarments, people... you can be a slut all you want under your clothes where no one can see... it's really fun...) and then set up a video camera and taped myself singing, very badly and dancing around in a cupless bra* with a feather boa.
I was drunk, half naked, and very proud of my new-found courage to, you know, put myself out there. I created a new blog under my real name, and put up my video. Then I decided that the prudent thing to do was go to sleep.
So I dreamed I was sleeping. (That was weird...)
Then I dreamed I woke up hung over and saw that Some Guy had posted a comment on my blog about my hotness. I remember feeling relieved that he didn't post a comment about me being fat and talentless. And then I realized that if I got a comment on that post, that I REALLY HAD UPLOADED A VIDEO OF MYSELF DANCING AND SINGING IN SLUTTY LINGERIE... FOR THE ENTIRE WORLD TO SEE.
Naturally, I was agitated. I pulled up my blog and watched my video, and discovered, to my horror, that somehow Paris Hilton was a back up dancer in the video, and that the backdrop was a bank of slot machines all hitting the jackpot. It was kind of cool, unless one was actually looking at the half-naked, talentless creature flailing around and singing some shit about her feelings.
I tried to delete the blog.
I discovered that it was impossible to do so because the video had been copyrighted by Time Warner Broadcasting. And that the video was hitting number one on YouTube.
Then I woke up. I remembered this dream and thought to myself: are there naked video bits of me on the internet? And the answer was no... and I was relieved.
It does not change the fact that my waking life is currently a nightmare, but hey, THAT nightmare wasn't real. And I suppose that's something to be grateful for.
*someday I will get around to posting about the freak of nature that is (are) my breasts. They are astonishing.