Thursday, June 5, 2008

5000 bites

This morning, my dentist said, "These are some good lookin' teeth. Perfect architecture. Straight and even. Tough enamel. Good color. But you, despite the gift of good genes and some good looking teeth, don't floss but once a week and you grind them so bad the ligaments in your face are spreading." (Yes, he really did say these things). (We are pals).

Then he told me that since I have a little bit of metal in my mouth from back when I was about 10, I need to get the fillings out and replaced with porcelain. Uh, ok. At $2500 a filling. Ok.

So I asked him how long I could wait to do this and do you know what that old wise-ass said?

"You got about 5000 bites left in these fillings."

"And how long is that?"

"Well I don't know, but if you lay off the nachos, better than a year."


I didn't bother to tell him that I have been laying off the nachos for quite some time. Odd thing is, I am just as chubby as ever, which means it is time for desperate measures, such as the crazy.

I will let you know how it goes.

11 comments:

P said...

Oh lawd, I need the crazy. I need it BAD.

My dentist told me that if I didn't wear my bite guard that my teeth would turn into "little nubbins." Bruxists unite!

LAS said...

$2500 for each one? Ligaments spreading? Hmm. My dentist told me eventually my teeth are going to all crack and fall apart if I don't wear my stupid bite guard. Oh well. I want to do the crazy. Except that it would interfere with my job.

Miss Britt said...

Grinding your teeth can make your ligaments in your face spread?!?!

Shit!

Well, at least I have something to blame the facial sag on now.

Finn said...

Why porcelain? They have other stuff now that's not silver, but it's not porcelain either. And it's not $2500. But then I don't grind my teeth either.

The ligaments in your face are spreading? What does that mean?

jen said...

Oh God. Now I'm going to be counting my bites, only because you mentioned it.

I'll let you know how many meals five thousand is. Wait. Bites? Or mastications?

nicoleantoinette said...

Oh wow, I haven't been to the dentist in forever.

Thanks :)

Julie said...

I refuse to admit the last time I went to the dentist.

Sorry about the grinding, but I know why you're doing it.

Mr. Bingley said...

Sounds like your dentist wants you to cover his mortgage.

Em said...

The crazy sounds a little crazy if you ask me.

I grind my teeth too when I'm particularly stressed about something. It makes my face hurt the next day. Not fun at all.

Avitable said...

What about chewing on children's bones? Can that make your ligaments spread too?

Effortlessly Average said...

I think 5000 bites is a technical term that means one swift kick to the mouth.