Friday, June 13, 2008

This doesn't matter

For no particular reason, I have been thinking about the statement many people make regarding their sexual selves. The statement is:

"I am a very sexual person."

People the world over say this very thing - usually to someone they wish to engage in reproductive behavior with - all the time. The implication is that the speaker is relating something about him or herself that is unique and special - different - worth pointing out, when in fact, any human being possessing reproductive gear labors under constant hormonal signals to breed. It is part of the human situation.

So if you say to me that you are a sexual person in a manner suggesting that you are letting me in on some very important and one of a kind fact about yourself, I am going to call you out on that bullshit. Instantly. Especially if you are a man trying to convince me to remove my underwear and your "I am a very sexual person" bit is supposed to let me know that your really very unique and refined and one of a kind sexual drives and desires are my problem. Bull. Shit.


Your turn: what thing can a person say that will automatically irritate you?

20 comments:

P said...

Thank God you wrote about this. I hate that shit with a passion. I usually hear it from women - women who want to appear fierce and sexually available but are actually complete jackasses.

utenzi said...

I'm not prejudiced

That one annoys me 'cause we're all prejudiced. It's part of the human condition. What's important is how hard you fight those tendencies.

Avitable said...

I am a very penis person.

ingrid said...

I have a friend who, very early on in our friendship openly said, "I'm not very good at sex. I think that I'm just not present enough. Every now and then I have sex, and I remember that it can be nice. But for the most part, I don't really care."

I shocked the bejezus out of me but let me know what an honest person she is.

What irritates me: stuff like, "I'm proud of my accomplishments." I don't know why it bothers me so much. I think it is because I am not very accomplished and can't brag about anything.

Finn said...

If you come to this country, learn to speak English.

Which is not to say that I don't think immigrants should learn our language. It's simply that that this statement is generally uttered by individuals who, although they've been speaking English since they could speak, still can't get it right.

123Valerie said...

You HAVE to come see my community theater production of ....

No, I don't. And furthermore, I won't.

I'm glad your pops is OK, kitten.

Maggie said...

Thanks, Nina, you just reminded me to order my monthly dose of sperm.

(you know, because I'm apparently not all that sexual a person, more of a clinical type, apparently.)

Sizzle said...

"I don't judge people."

Give me a break! Everyone judges in some way. You are not superior so get off your moral high horse.

I also don't like the "learn to speak English" and the "I'm not prejudiced" which are both crap to me.

cajunvegan said...

Lately, it has been:

"You deserve a promotion."

I just want to shout: "Well, duh. Thank you, Captain Obvious!"

BTW, I am off until August. Woo-hoo!

nightfly said...

Lots of good ones here. "I'm proud of my accomplishments!" Well, I feel like crap about mine! Hell, all that paying my rent and feeding my family? Horse-pocky! No, really, genius - they're accomplishments, you're supposed to feel good when you accomplish things!

Which brings me to my big bugaboo, the person who feels entitled to the same sense of accomplishment while being spectacularly useless - as if drawing air and taking the occasional whiz are all that a healthy person ought to aspire for. My hamster gets more done than that! Quit whining about being dissed and finding yourself and the "why won't anyone respect my self esteem?" emo-carnival and DO SOMETHING. Even if it's just a hobby you're good at. Start somewhere, for pity's sake, and feel good about a real thing, not about your perpetually-aggrieved feelings.

Kate P said...

Preach it, sister!

Mine is, "I'm just being realistic." Usually said after making an extremely negative pronouncement, as in "You're not gonna get _________" or "It'll never work out."

Second runner-up: "You don't know me." Staple of B-grade talk shows, right? A very annoying co-worker claimed we weren't associating with him because we had the wrong impression of him. In truth, we knew exactly what he was about (did he forget he told somebody he'd been caught cheating on his wife? TMI!) and preferred to keep our distance from that trainwreck.

I dunno, 'Fly, sometimes the emo-carnival has good bands on the stage. :)

Em said...

Funny that you bring this up, Nina, because I described one of the characters in my latest little story as a "very sexual person" and while I was writing it I thought to myself, what does that even mean? Course, I left it there anyway because I'm not a great writer and I couldn't think up a better way to say she had a really high sex drive, she was physically attractive, she was almost always up for sex etc.... because, while you are right we all, as humans, have a sex drive the strength of that drive varies... as does attractivness and willingness. (Course, your example is indeed very annoying, and I completely understand what you're saying).

Joel said...

"I'm a sexual person" usually means "I'll fornicate with anything that holds still or even moves slowly."

What I hate is "I'm a very private person." It always reminds me of this Shel Silverstein song.

jen said...

I mentioned an Ani concert I'd been to and he says all shocked and scared,

"You're not a feminist ARE YOU?"

Date Over.

e! said...

Mine is, "Be honest with me, am I..."

First, most people are not honest. They like to present themselves as honest, but true honesty often means telling people things they either don't want to hear, or are too sensitive to handle..

Secondly, no one every really wants others to be honest when it comes to things about themselves... Questions like, "do I look fat in this?" and "Is there something wrong with me?" have pretty much kept me in the doghouse for years with people...

LizB said...

Utenzi took mine, but I will add to that. I hate when people say, "I don't see color," as part of their "I'm not prejudiced" speech. Stupid bullshit.

LizB said...

I also hate: No offense, but.... People say that as if it will remove the barb from whatever they are about to say. Bleh.

Em said...

LizB - I hate that one too!

Effortlessly Average said...

"...at least I'm being honest."

Annie said...

I'm with kate P. "I am just being realistic" and "I am just being honest" makes me want to scream-really they are just being negative and raining on my parade.