Reader: I will get some. Or at least try.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

I will get some. Or at least try.

I am a coward (and really boring). I don't even make out with strangers in bars anymore, let alone have actual sex. But if I did... wow.

I would go get bagfuls of these. When I clicked on the, ahem, "get some" link, I discovered that the only distributers are bars. Since nothing says romance like a condom that is only obtainable after 4pm... in a place that sells little but a product known to impair judgment (!), and since I have been trying to be less boring and have more courage in all areas of life, including the dating/romance/love/making out part, I have decided to visit at least three of these establishments this week and ask for condoms. What I will do with them once I have them, I have no idea. But I will disclose the results of my "get some" quest here.

1 comment:

Maggie said...: A few of those distributors are not actually bars, or at least aren't exclusively bars. For example, the DUMBO General Store Bar & Cafe opens at 7:30 am! And in Manhattan, the Around The Clock Cafe is open 24/7! Now *that* sounds like romance to me...

I'm so sad, I'd forgotten all about these when I was down visiting this weekend. I'll have to beg someone to mail me a handful...; July 17, 2007 at 2:36 PM

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Who are these people?

Bibi - God bless the guy who gets Bee. I can't even think of anything obnoxious to say about her. She can eat pasta without gaining weight, she can run the ridges at Gertrude's Nose with no fear, and she is by miles the best climber of all of us. She's going to Kili with us. Hell, she'll be leading.
Buzz Elder Brother. Cross me at your peril.
Jib computer wizard, entrepreneur, stand-up comedian, stand-up guy I can count on to catch a movie and hold hands in the dark without it having any meaning whatosever. Every woman needs a man like Jib.
Joe - locquacious, flirtatious, 40-something hiking buddy - also, ex-manfriend of Pax.
Larry, WPITW - climber, hiker, badass (not in the good way, either). At a given moment, at least half of us are not speaking to him.
Liam - My nephew, whose favorite words are "noing," "Bobby," "dumptruck," "job-site" and "Daddy." He also says "obstreperous" "pulchritudinous" and "Nina" upon request.
Merry - Australian BFF spends the summers on a yacht, nannying for a celebrity couple with two children. She lives in a brownstone and she has a chauffeur. And we have no idea who she works for.
Newsy has been my friend for about 22,000 hours. Or more. I don't have a calculator. She has about 3423% more professional and personal commitments than I do, and yet she still finds time to think about me. I find this astonishing. If you knew her, you'd be astonished, too.
Pax - climber, hiker, corporate warrior, used to date Joe. Sticks by Larry in spite of his horribleness. None of us understands this.
Skatey- he rides a skateboard. He can dance. He can throw a frisbee and he's not bad at karaoke, either.
Sri - Bengali princess who, aside from kicking my ass at climbing, and aside from being a smokin' hiker, brought down the evil empire of Larry and also once told me that "even girls' are turned on my breasts." Also never turns down "one more round."
Supajewie - Long distance drinking buddy, just about the only person I know who "gets it". And no, she's not Jewish. It's a long story.
Tex - is what happens when you take a normal man, add alcohol, subtract common sense and tact, and then buy him another drink.

English Teacher Disclaimer

I teach English, and I sometimes get a emotional about grammar, punctuation, and usage. I sometimes write posts about other people's grammar - or mine. This does not mean, however, that my blog is without errors. I constantly go back and edit for typos and sometimes even... misspelled words *clutching skull and gagging*. If you find a mistake feel free to call me out on it. I will persist in making mistakes whether I attempt to catch them or not, and I will continue to be my bitchy English teacher self despite my capacity to screw up just as often as the next person... and maybe more.