This is so embarrassing.
On three nights (days) I was still awake and churning when the sun arose. On one of the nights (days, whatever), I decided I would self medicate.
Guess how that went?
12:30am: half a xanax.
1:30am: half a glass of wine.
2:00am: more wine.
3:00am: other half of the xanax.
4:30am: two more glasses of wine and a lot of crying.
5:30am: dawn. Friends with normal jobs arise and get on IM and I am drunk and typing at them.
7:00am: send email to my boss telling her we "need to talk"
9:00am: send text message to Sri telling her I can't work out that night because I am pretty sure I will be dead by nightfall. Then I fall asleep with my Blackberry in one hand and the last glass of wine in the other. I sleep for a total of three hours and am awakened by my boss who is very REASONABLY wanting to know what she can do for me today.
I have no answer. I tell her I was just having a moment - and we got off the phone.
I can't wait for my performance review next month. I am sure we'll have LOTS to talk about - then.