Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Let's Review

Today, answers to questions no one asked.

Q: How is it that on July 10th you had only $14 left to last you until July 23, and yet on July 21st, you claimed to have $27 left? Are you a liar?

A: My funds increased because I took the drawer in my desk down to the bank and dumped the change on the counter. They gave me $22. And yes, I lie sometimes. I can't go so far as to say I am a liar, however. It's not part of my prime directive. Imperfect as I am, I've got nothing on Larry.

Q: Did you ever get any?

A: I am still working on that. I tried Flanagan's on 2nd and 42nd, but they were all out. Since it took considerable courage to walk into a bar in broad daylight and demand condoms instead of alcohol, it may take me a few more days to amass enough courage to try again to "get some." When I do, I will post about it.

Q: You said you would (maybe, whatever) post pictures of your rock climbing trip. You never did. What the fuck is wrong with you? Liar!

A: Look, I am no Mulgrew (obviously) but since you asked: everything. Thanks for noticing. I didn't post pictures of the trip because we only climbed one day (the next we hiked to Gertrude's Nose) an we didn't even bring a camera. And really, who wants pictures of Bibi's ass? (Oh wait... You might actually enjoy those. My bad). It goes without saying you don't really need so see my ass, since you see it in the metaphorical sense every time you click on my internet diary. Where was I? Oh yes. I am going climbing again this weekend. I will bring a camera. Plenty of Bibi's ass next week. Pinky swear! (Imperfect, yes. Liar, not really. I do break promises sometimes though. I recently broke one to Larry. *snicker*).

Q: You mention Larry all the time as if he is the Worst Person in the World. Ever plan on explaining that? Or are you just going to allude to your bitterness in 67.2349% of your posts until you get the memo that your blog absurd - and quit?

A: I do plan to explain. You may be thinking that another story about love gone wrong or a tirade about a man lying to women is (yawn!) not worth the eyestrain. I wish that were true. When I go get around to explaining why Larry is, in fact, the worst person in the world, you will understand why even the devil himself is embarrassed and ashamed of Larry's badness. In short, Larry will blow your doors off. But it'll take more than one post and it'll take me some time to write. If you really want to know more about Larry, keep reading, and you will.

Q: What is the purpose of your blog? I notice that you post a lot and that most of your posts are without unity or coherence. You are an English teacher. Obviously, you know better.

A: Obviously, I know better, yes. However, from my end of the wireless, forcing myself to write is the purpose. I have not permitted myself to get over-picky about content or lucidity (yet). If you keep coming back, you'll have to find a reason, a purpose of your own, so to speak. I hope you do.*

*If you are the Brazilian person who checks my blog upwards of twenty times a day... please stop. You are scaring me. I have no idea how you found my internet diary and I have no idea why you are reading my posts about climbing equipment and emotional paralysis over and over. If it's because you are waiting to hear about Larry because you think he is Brazilian, no. Brazil doesn't produce people this bad. For this special Grade AAA batch of badness, we have the Europeans to thank. And even the Europeans only manage to produce a Larry once every 200 years (approximately). So, sorry.

Also, if you are hoping I'll disclose whether I get the popular wax job named for your country, please... My mama raised me right. I might talk about other people's wax jobs, but I am a lady. I don't talk (yeah, right) about such personal matters. Where was I? Brazilian reader, I appreciate the attention. Perhaps you should see post from July 18th. I'll wait right here for you.


No? Not intereseted? When then, Brazilian reader... you really ought to get a more productive hobby. Go away already! Off with you!**

**Just kidding. I secretly love you (a little bit) Brazilian reader. I know you are not a unique visitor, but you are still special to me. You give me the surface appearance of having a readership... I'm shallow. I'll take it. So, um... I guess you can keep coming back twenty times a day. If you really want to set my mind at ease re: your quality of life, start flying to different countries and checking my blog from unique computers. Or give my URL to other people, check my blog fewer than five times a day and get outta the house, already.

Thank you for your understanding.

1 comment:

Woodrow said...

I was wondering about the $27 dollars. Thanks for clearing that up.