Recently, Gmail introduced a feature called Google Goggles and I think it may be a good feature. If I had use of it last night, I might not have accidentally hit send when I wrote the following email to my step mother. If you are not up to speed with the disaster currently afflicting my family, the short version is that my dad died in July, and a few months later, only though directly requesting the information from my step-mother, did we learn that my father had left her his entire estate. Why does this upset us so much, oh, only because the entirety of the estate was amassed before he ever met or married her - and because his will entirely disregards his first marriage of 35 years that resulted in 3 children who are now utterly disinherited. Adding fuel to our ire is the fact that all three of us incurred enormous charges for plane tickets, rental cars and hotel rooms in the last two years that have left us all completely broke and in debt, where before he had cancer, we were all debt free and had plenty of savings.
The email I sent last night was in response to one she sent me suggesting that I should take over the bill for the storage of some of my mother's furniture - items my dad kept in storage for many years with the promise that I would have them once I was living in a situation suitable for those items. I see that in the future happening round about... never. So after having spent a week filled with disgust and rage, and having all kinds of people tell me to calm down and blah blah, I drafted this email, intending to never send it, and OOPS. I did. Ready for this?
E-Since you have inherited every piece of property, monetary, and real, my perspective is that you have inherited also my furniture and also my mother’s. The bill is in my father’s name. Can you reap the benefits of my father’s estate without taking on its responsibilities? I think not.
I have asked you twice for the information that would give me leave to take on the bill you have sought fit to shirk upon me, while you languish in the benefits of my father's estate. You have not provided that information. That said, if you wish to make a gift of my what was previously mine and my mother’s, you should at least make known to me how I am to take upon the fees associated with the property.
The language in which you have addressed me in our most recent emails has been so insulting that I am certain that no benefit can be gained by any further talk between us, save this disagreeable business of who is to pay the bill for your furniture. If your desire is to make a gift of the furniture in storage, please enable me at once to take on the bill. Otherwise, you can, as I am sure you know, dispose of your property in any manner in which you find gives you pleasure.
-N
HMMMM... rash, no? So is this
a) funny
b) disastrous, and I should apologize
c) right on and who cares?
d) hell with it - just move on
What do you think?
14 comments:
Just see what happens. No need to apologize for anything you said.
C - absolutely. I just don't understand this woman. If it were me, I'd hold the damn furniture for you until you could take it. What's the big deal? How much could the storage cost?
Let her stew in it. She did some major damage and I don't see anything wrong with your response.
I'm in full agreement with Finn. I just don't get your stepmother at all. She can't pay the damn bill until you are ready to deal with it? Enough is enough already...she needs to get a grip and give you a break.
And I'd like to give you a huge hug.
I definitely wouldn't apologize! Hell with it - move on. She deserves harsher words than you've given her.
(a) kinda
(b) DEFINITELY NOT (that's my outside voice)
(c) yep
(d) don't know that you're ready yet and there's no sense even thinking about it until you're there
Ok, A, obviously, but also C and D, as well.
I take the view that you were meant to send it.
I should clarify that I do not mean Get Over IT when I say D. I mean just move on to the next thing.
Man, sometimes I am a total dickhole.
It was meant to be that you sent it. Don't apologize. Wait and see what happens.
What a vile, miserable, wretch, "E." There is a putrid wad of indiscernible glop where her heart should be, and if she had any true dignity whatsoever, she should be mortally ashamed of herself.
That's really all i feel like saying right now.
c, which will help you get to d
I continue to be concerned that any such communication with your stepmother weakens your case to challenge the will. I know you didn't mean to send it, and you shouldn't worry about it now. But it's statements like "Otherwise, you can, as I am sure you know, dispose of your property in any manner in which you find gives you pleasure." that I worry will come back to bite you in the ass.
Because I would absolutely hate it if you did not get to keep these things which I know are so precious to you.
Next time you want to send an e-mail like that, send it to one of us.
ANd remind me that I need to send you a copy of an e-mail a friend of mine once got from an estranged cousin about the inheritance of some jewelry. I fit's any comfort, you are not the only one suffering through post-mortem craziness. As horrible as it is, it does seem to be pretty common.
I'll have the A/C combo platter. You are funny as hell, even when you're angry (and rightfully so). No apologies necessary.
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