Reader: Memo to Jesus

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Memo to Jesus

To: Jesus Christ

From: Nina, swears-a-lot

Re: Jewishness

Today, Jesus Christ, I write to thank you for being your lovely perfect self, but also for being Jewish and for making Judaism such an integral part of world culture. While I realize that after your torturous and unmerited execution, others created a new religion (or, like, hundreds) based on your teachings, if it were not for Judaism and its lovely importance, there would be no such thing as Yom Kippur - and I would not have the night off from teaching, and I would be cramming my face to with Xanax to finish the other work I have to do for my other jobs, work that is so very pressing that I am literally shaking in my chair.

Regarding other matters, events, and unpleasantness related to myself and my ever shrinking circle of loved ones, I think you know I have some opinions and beliefs that need careful reflection and possible modification before we can speak of them. (Read: I am pissed. Why did you let this happen to my family?) Expect further official communication regarding same at a later date, when my spiritual situation is more suitable for discussion of these matters.

Sincerely (we'll get to love issue later. Probably much.),

Nina

3 comments:

Anonymous said...: Nina, I adore you, but I have to say that blaming Jesus for what is happening is not fair :-). Blaming
anyone is not productive(okay, you can blame the stepmother a little).
There I said it, my rant is over.
XOXO; October 9, 2008 at 10:06 PM
Catherine said...: My first gut reaction here was a question, and keep in mind it could very well be misguided, but here it is: Wouldn't your spiritual situation be on its way to better, if only you began that discussion? One time on the ferry this Christian lady was going around with a Bible and she approached this haggard ol' biker guy. He said, "Listen lady, me and God ain't on speakin' toims, K?" And she said, "Yes, that IS okay; God 'gets' that. God 'gets' you turning your back, and whatever reasons caused you to do that. Just know He is there, ever behind you, whether you ever return or not." The dude actually softened and spoke with her a bit. I don't know whether that could mean anything for you right now, but I thought I'd share that.

P.S. I updated my Blogger profile :); October 9, 2008 at 10:21 PM
sybil law said...: See, all I can think is, you take Xanax to get work done? Xanax makes me sleepy!
You can say what you want to Jesus.
But you have a circle of love widening right here on the internets, right?
(That last sentence is so sweet and schmaltzy it makes me ill to read it. But it's true!)
xo; October 10, 2008 at 12:21 PM

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Who are these people?

Bibi - God bless the guy who gets Bee. I can't even think of anything obnoxious to say about her. She can eat pasta without gaining weight, she can run the ridges at Gertrude's Nose with no fear, and she is by miles the best climber of all of us. She's going to Kili with us. Hell, she'll be leading.
Buzz Elder Brother. Cross me at your peril.
Jib computer wizard, entrepreneur, stand-up comedian, stand-up guy I can count on to catch a movie and hold hands in the dark without it having any meaning whatosever. Every woman needs a man like Jib.
Joe - locquacious, flirtatious, 40-something hiking buddy - also, ex-manfriend of Pax.
Larry, WPITW - climber, hiker, badass (not in the good way, either). At a given moment, at least half of us are not speaking to him.
Liam - My nephew, whose favorite words are "noing," "Bobby," "dumptruck," "job-site" and "Daddy." He also says "obstreperous" "pulchritudinous" and "Nina" upon request.
Merry - Australian BFF spends the summers on a yacht, nannying for a celebrity couple with two children. She lives in a brownstone and she has a chauffeur. And we have no idea who she works for.
Newsy has been my friend for about 22,000 hours. Or more. I don't have a calculator. She has about 3423% more professional and personal commitments than I do, and yet she still finds time to think about me. I find this astonishing. If you knew her, you'd be astonished, too.
Pax - climber, hiker, corporate warrior, used to date Joe. Sticks by Larry in spite of his horribleness. None of us understands this.
Skatey- he rides a skateboard. He can dance. He can throw a frisbee and he's not bad at karaoke, either.
Sri - Bengali princess who, aside from kicking my ass at climbing, and aside from being a smokin' hiker, brought down the evil empire of Larry and also once told me that "even girls' are turned on my breasts." Also never turns down "one more round."
Supajewie - Long distance drinking buddy, just about the only person I know who "gets it". And no, she's not Jewish. It's a long story.
Tex - is what happens when you take a normal man, add alcohol, subtract common sense and tact, and then buy him another drink.

English Teacher Disclaimer

I teach English, and I sometimes get a emotional about grammar, punctuation, and usage. I sometimes write posts about other people's grammar - or mine. This does not mean, however, that my blog is without errors. I constantly go back and edit for typos and sometimes even... misspelled words *clutching skull and gagging*. If you find a mistake feel free to call me out on it. I will persist in making mistakes whether I attempt to catch them or not, and I will continue to be my bitchy English teacher self despite my capacity to screw up just as often as the next person... and maybe more.