Thursday, October 30, 2008



If I neglect my blog for even one more day, I will be charged with TBA: Total Blog Abandonment (not to be confused with To Be Announced, which might fit the bill as well since I am going through a transitional thing that has me befuddled).

What is this transitional thing?

1) I moved to a new pace.

2) I cut off all contact with my step mother.

3) I found out (yesterday) that my current full time job (the one that includes benefits) might evaporate due to state budget cuts. This might happen in January. Or May. Or if things go better than forecasted, not at all. That news is TBA, too.

Items one and two - the moving and the surgical removal of my step mother from my life - have had a powerful stress lowering effect on me. This is excellent. However, the powerful stress lowering effect has produced a trancelike indifference to the news that I might be losing my job. The scariness of that (it should be scary, correct?) is not registering. I find myself unable to respond with the appropriate levels of panic and terror. An alternative explanation for my inappropriate emotional response to this news is that because the cause is budget cuts, it's not my fault, so I don't care. Wait, that makes no sense. Maybe it is because the last two years have provided me with excellent training with regard to being warned that something terrible is going to happen that I can't control. I might have learned not to work problems that I don't have the means to solve.

I'll write more when I can find a clean sheet of unlined paper. When I find one of those, I will diagram my new place and post the drawings in lieu of pictures. In the meantime, if you don't hear from me for a few days, it's only because I am re-calibrating my brain in response to dramatically lowered stress levels and dramatically unwelcome news that I can't seem to muster the gumption to freak out about.

Thank you for reading.


Avitable said...

Stress-free trumps the indifference, I think.

Annie said...

For one thing it may never happen, why worry about things that could happen, but may not? You are a smart woman with many skills, you will get another job. Whatever happens is the perfect thing.
Stay calm and happy unpacking.

Catherine said...

COol. I like the part about not working problems one doesn't have the means to solve. That is a great lesson, although a toughie. Tricky.

I do hope that in January, or May, nothing happens. If you did have to go job hunting though, Lord knows anyone to whom you would want to apply would be delighted and lucky to have you and a total fool to turn you down. That scenario shouldn't be much of a problem, nor should it last long.

Thanks for popping in. :)

nightfly said...

Considering everything that Panic Hire U. has put you through over the past few years, you may be better off just finding a good job with sane people who respect your efforts and talents.

Wishing you the best of everything, as always...

sybil law said...

I think you've learned to handle stress like a freaking CHAMP, which is something most of us cannot do!
Plus, maybe, that job is just another thing in your life that is ripe for changing?!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Well, it's not a done deal on the job, right? So, you're probably not in panic mode because of that. At any rate, the notification of what *might* happen gives you plenty of notice to send out resumes in the meantime.

Kate P said...

If there are doors closing, I'm confident new ones are opening up to you. As for the "appropriate" levels of panic and terror--no such thing. You're coping. Drawing will help; I'm looking forward to the drawings and keeping you in my prayers. :)

Finn said...

No sense in worry about something that MIGHT happen, especially when you cannot control. Maybe something better is around the corner. Maybe the tide is turning for you at last.

It's about time.

Sizzle said...

If it's not one thing it's another, right? That is crap news about your job but hopefully it will be in May so you have ample time to look for a replacement job. Thinking good thoughts for you!

M@ said...

I love diagrams, Nina.

Steph said...

Good luck with the move and good for you on the removal of the step-mother. Life is too short to put up with cruddy relatives.