Monday, October 6, 2008

Try this

When you are out of xanax and temazepam, get a bottle of Courvoisier and just like drink it.   Glass optional. 

My latest email to my step mother:

Erika, 
This exchange has been painful for me, and from your tone, I can tell it has been for you, too.  I am moving into someone else's house next week; I am working three jobs, and from what you have told me, all is just fine for you, so I have no reason to worry for your safety or support.  It's time for me to take care of myself, as I have been unwell, both physically an emotionally for a long time.  If you have anything to communicate of urgency, by all means, communicate.   Otherwise, I need to step back for a while.  If you were in my position, I am sure you could readily see how hurtful the news that my dad thought nothing of his children but ______,  and that only by way of your charity, the sum became _________.   Had my need not been so dire, and had I known my dad had only intended us to have so small a sum, I would never have accepted the money.    As the total is already spent, all I can do is regret my penury and save to pay you back for the money that was not due me.   I want to reiterate:    I need a break.   Please do two things.  First, do not respond to this email.   Second, please don't send me any more packages meant to comfort me.  They have the opposite effect.   I desperately need to re-establish my own life, one that does not include these painful boxes in the mail reminding me of how much my dad used to love me.    All that can usefully be said regarding the estate and our family has already been said, and I need to move on with my own life. 
Nina 

Simple yes or no.  Should I send it?

And no, the Bitch-krieg email is still drafted and not yet sent.   I am waiting for full approval from my father's family before I send it. 



11 comments:

Avitable said...

I think that's a very good email to send. It gets your point across very clearly.

Sizzle said...

It's a very clear email that explicitly states your feelings and boundary. I say, send it.

Lisa said...

I'm so sorry that your stepmother has caused you so much pain and that the situation has caused so much pain.

I think you are clearly setting your boundaries in the letter. If you want to cut off all ties with her then send it...after you get the rest of your families response.

And get a refill on the prescription.

Finn said...

I think this is clear, to the point and civil. I applaud your restraint.

country roads said...

I say why not?!

Em said...

I'm going to say no.

sybil law said...

I would send it.
xo

ByJane said...

yeah

Tracy Lynn said...

I would send it, but only if you think it will make you feel better. I'm pretty sure it won't affect your step-mother.

You should do whatever you need to to help you move on. That would definitely include refilling the prescription, BTW.

ellie said...

I say send it. It will give you the closure you need to move on. I'm thinking of you.

Maggie said...

I'm a bit behind on the posts, so this might be too late. But I would definitely not send this.

Why?

This e-mail could weaken your case in a future effort to challenge the worthless shitty will.
1. You are accepting her interpretation of how much your dad wanted to leave you
2. You are offering to pay her back
3. You are refusing her offers of sending you tactile, not fiduciary, parts of your inheritance. Not only can this been seen as acquiescence to the current situation in the eyes of the law. It could also portray you as money-grubbing, and not actually sentimental.

And we all know this is not the case.

I think the current plan -- no e-mails, no phone calls, all radio silence while you confer with the family and the lawyers -- is an excellent one. You are a smart woman. Keep your emotions to yourself and your anonymous blog buddies. And be smart on the legal/financial front.