Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Six minutes in the shop

Why am I always the last to know these things? Namely... well. Let's see if you can figure out what I learned about my fellow Americans yesteday.

I was out taking pictures for you, and I thought since I was within ten steps of the correct place, I would get my eyebrows threaded. I peered into the window and saw that the salon was empty, so in I went. It was 2:03pm.

At the desk were three Asian women in matching purple shirts. There was a man standing next to the desk in a blue delivery uniform. He was holding a clipboard and stabbing at it with emphasis as he explained the following:

"OK so I start my deliveries at 4am in the neighborhood. So if you leave your containers outside I can pick them up and return them the next day," he stabbed at the clipboard.

"We have delivery at 10am," replied the eldest Asian.

"I start deliveries on this block at 4am," he said again. Again with the stabbing.

"We have delivery at 10am," repeated the elder Asian.

I leaned in a bit. "Hi," I said. "My eyebrows," I said. "Can I get them threaded?"

"Yes, of course," said the younger Asian. Then she turned back to the delivery guy. She was gazing at him as if he were big ol' cherry cheesecake with extra cheese. It was absolutely not subtle.

The elder Asian repeated, "We have delivery at 10am."

I looked at my watch. It was 2:05pm.

"We have delivery at 10am," said the youngest Asian.

The delivery guy laid his clipboard on the desk and pointed with the pen. Then he pointed to his truck - and said, "You see that truck? It is in Yonkers by 10am."

The younger Asian laid her fingertips on his forearm. It was absolutely not subtle. At. All.

He tried again. "I make deliveries in this neighborhood at 4:00am. I am already two boroughs away at 10am."

"We have delivery at 10am," said the eldest Asian. She removed the younger Asian's fingers from the forearm of the delivery guy. That wasn't very subtle either.

I looked at my watch. 2:06pm. The younger Asian tried again.

"Delivery at 10am. New containers," she pointed to the clock. It said 2:07pm. Again she looked at him as if she wanted to rip his pants right off. Opposite of subtlety, there.

The delivery guy looked at me and said, "I am sorry. Can you give us all a moment?"

Oh, hell yes, I thought. Hit you some of that.

"Sure," I said. Then I picked up a copy of Cosmo and walked over to the window. I flipped through the magazine and watched the snow fall.

Behind me:

"We have delivery at 10:am," repeated the three Asians.

"What you are saying," said the delivery guy, "Is that you would like me to drive back here from Yonkers to deliver your water bottles when you open at 10am."

"We have delivery at 10am!" the elder Asian was elated. It was 2:08pm by then.

I turned. Younger Asian was grinning and groping the delivery guy's forearm. She was also gazing longingly at his crotch. It was absolutely... well I think you know by now what it was like.

So I decided to try again. I gestured subtle-like toward my pale blond and uninteresting eyebrows. "Threading?" I had to bite my tongue to prevent myself from saying "I HAVE DELIVERY NOW."

Know what? I was completely, totolly, universally ignored. The elder Asian said, "Yes, at 10am!" The younger Asian - I am not kidding - started massaging his shoulders. The youngest Asian smirked and started picking at her cuticles.

It was masterful. The delivery guy hooked his pen into his shirt pocket, crestfallen. "OK," he said. "I come back at 10am."

It was 2:09pm. There was a swirl of purple and blue mutual appreciation in progress at the desk. Nobody in the whole joint cared about me or my eyebrow grooming.

Not wanting to interrupt the orgy of joy, I silently backed out of the salon and took a few more pictures for you.

I can think of at least three useful lessons to be gleaned from my six minutes in the shop yesterday. What do you suppose those lessons were?


Anonymous said...

Hey Nina - ask and ye shall receive:

w00t! ;)

nightfly said...

Nina, my heavens.... I think you found the folks who translated Zero Wing into English!

"Someone set us up the bomb."
"All your base are belong to us."
"We have delivery at 10 am!"
"What you say?!?"

This makes my week.

Anonymous said...

Um...perhaps a nice wax instead? Around 10am? Heh.

Jennifer said...

rofl!! that was great!

~persistence is key!
~they have delivery at 10AM!!
~he delivers at 4 AM!
~he will give in!
~asian girls can be very horny, I mean persistent!! ;)
~you will not go back to that shop for your threading!

isn't threading the best, by the way. i have only had it done one time, but it lasts so much longer than waxing. :)
LOVE the pics!!
have a good one!!
hugs, jenn
btw ~i emailed you back to your comment about hoping for snow in NYC, yesterday when i saw the news. seemed like everyone was enjoying the snow in manhattan. :)

Em said...

Oh my goodness. That girl needs some sex.

I love the threading.

Woodrow said...

Whenever two or more are gathered and repeat a common desire out loud enough times, it will be?

I don't know. Tell me.

Jamie Croft said...

That was great. I am so glad I found your blog.

So, let me get this straight.

They have delivery at 10 am?
So that takes care of the first lesson.

Second Lesson:
Young asian women can tease men into thinking that
they will love them long time. [just to get what they want]

Third Lesson:
They have delivery at 10am!

Your delivery is wonderful. thank you.

Oh yes. to answer your question from by blog last night:
yes I am in advertising. I have my own design studio and
I also work in Marketing at The Tuscaloosa News which is
owned by The New York Times.

Julie said...

Too funny. I also need the threading of my eyebrows done, but alas, the kid etc...

Avitable said...

I've done threading once. So painful!

Maggie said...

Avi, what, dare I ask, did you thread?

Avitable said...

Maggie, I had my eyebrows done, all the way around my eyes to the sides of my head.

~grace~ said...


If you aren't delivering water or sex, nobody cares about you.

Marlee said...

I have no idea because I'm too busy SHUDDERING to think about it.

But I LOVE your pics!!!

country roads said...

Never underestimate the power of a flirting woman.....

Men are suckers.....

Customer service is dead.

Jennifer Griffin-Wiesner said...

Nina, I truly hope you write a book some day. Of course, how will I ever know...?

Effortlessly Average said...

Well let's see...

Lesson #1: never confuse "threading" with "braiding." God, no wonder I looked like such a dork on that date.

Lesson #2: That 10am delivery is only going to last as long as the delivery guy thinks he can score. Which leads to...

Lesson #3: ALWAYS get the blowjob first!