Tuesday, October 16, 2007

I may never see one again. Or is that may I?

Recently, a friend (who does appear pictured at the left, but would not like to be identified, even in fictional form), tried to explain what it was like to, uh, have a relationship with and man who has all his parts accounted for, as in precisely the way he was born.

Can you tell I am having a bit of trouble saying the word "penis" on my blog? Oh my good heavens I just said it.

Her opinion regarding the anotomically uninterfered with man's character is quite complimentary. Her fear of his man-parts, however, is total.

Nameless Friend: "It just looks so... different. Also, I don't know what to do with it."

Nina: "Just how different are we talking about, here?"

Nameless Friend : "It's just all... it's... I can't.... "

Nina: "Shall we do a google image search?"

Nameless Friend: "NO! NO! Because even if I told you what it looks like, that's only the beginning of the issue. It's just so fucking weird."

Nina: "Did you really just say that?"

Nameless Friend: "Well ok it's... "

Nina: "Does it work?"

Nameless Friend: "Uh, yes. For me, anyway."

Nina: "You can assume it works for him, then. Male creatures make sure it works. It "working" ranks pretty high for them."

Nameless Friend: "Yeah, but I can't really touch it."

Nina: "Why?"

Nameless Friend: "Because... it moves."

Nina: "OH! You mean like when you flick it with a rubber band?"


Reader, I can't go on. To do so would be an insult to my own dignity and the dignity of my friend. Also, I am in complete ignorance regarding this subject. I think I once made out with a guy who might have been uninterfered with, but I have no real experience with man-parts uninterfered with for either medical or religious purposes. Can you tell how much I don't want to use the words "uncircumcised penis" on my blog? Oh my good heavens what did I just say? Never mind.

I now offer the following views of on the subject, one written by an internet quasi-celebrity with little but his charming potty mouth as a credential, and one written by a charming, well-mannered European woman, one I can only assume knows how the man parts work. (Removing part of the man parts is not common in Europe... unless the infant is Jewish).

This, nameless friend, is the most I can do for you regarding the subject in general. My advice with regard to this particular man, since you like the other 95% of him, is to ask him how all his parts work. Explain your ignorance and get the information. If he doesn't want to explain or he thinks you are an ignorant slut, you can kindly point out that if you were more of a slut, you might have seen a creature such as himself before. If he explains, you might eventually like his parts. If so, get back to me about the rubber band. You can usually find one in a kitchen drawer, and... well. Never mind.

Tune in tomorrow for more about parts. Well, not really. Tomorrow, I'll probably just talk about my needle work.


Joel said...

i happen to be one of those unmentionable men who happen to have all of my parts accountable. :P

first of all... i want to say... i UNDERSTAND what she is going through.

although it bothers me that this is a problem that our culture faces, i DO understand how individuals can have these feels of "yikes" or whatever the case may be.

the best way i can explain it, and i have tried many times....

is picture a culture.. perhaps its an african tribe... and when they have babies, they cut out all the teeth from their baby.. they slice open the gum and just get all the teeth out.

their culture has become accustomed to living without teeth. they do not need them. they mash all their food up and eat it like a bunch of senior citizens in a retirement home.

then, one day you come and visit this tribe... first thing you do, is flash them a smile.


little kids are screaming

"mommy mommy, what are those sharp white rocks in her mouth?"

they are all somewhat disgusted by your smile.

a smile with clean white straight teeth, something we would regard as beautiful.

however, if you are raised in a culture that just cuts out teeth without thinking, just because its WHAT YOU DO. than this foreign idea of having teeth is just repuslive. mouths are supposed to be soft, not have jagged sharp white things sticking out of them.

but the thing is... i think we are at a point where we can see whats going on here... we know that circumcision isn't the blessed cure all that convinced our grandparents grandparents to start the whole thing in the first place.

americans didn't USED to circumcise.. its not that long of a tradition either. but it is now, because its gone on just long enough to convince an entire culture that a penis needs to have no foreskin to be beautiful. to be normal.

so what should your friend do? she should REALIZE whats going on. step out of her culturally-defined norm, and try something new.

from an uncircumcised man's perspective, a foreskin is a blessed blessed tool, that makes stimulation a hundred times easier!

do you know that one of the main "cures" that circumcision was supposed to solve was "masturbation"

well the reason they thought it would do that is because moving the foreskin up and down feels REALLY REALLY good! there are some 20,000 or more nerve endings in the foreskin, whereas a clitoris has 8,000.

just one last thought, in ancient Greece, a long foreskin was thought of as incredibly beautiful. seems strange to us maybe, but it just goes to show you, fashions, and things change... and fashion really is no reason to permanently remove part of someones genitals. genitals have the most sensitive parts on the entire body.. they bring us pleasure! why would you want to cut off pleasure?

anyways.. i hope your friend will do her best to not see a "weird alien bird" and instead see a body part that is designed to reduce painful abrasions during sex, to keep it wetter, to protect the head of the penis to keep it from drying out and hardening and cracking, and is jam packed with some of the most sensitive and pleasureful skin on his entire body. what a fun piece of skin that is. :p

Nina said...

Thank you for stopping by, Joel. You are just the sort of person I hoped would comment. Thank you also for being merciful to us (nameless friend and I) in our ignorance. We just have no clue.

If you return, which I hope you do, can you tell me please:

Did I tell her right when I said she should just ask him how it works?

and if you are feeling generous and can take such a question seriously... well... how DOES it work?

I mean only this: nameless friend has determined that the source of her anxiety is not the parts but the fear of hurting the parts because she doesn't know... how they work. Is it possible to injure a person like yourself.. gosh this is awkward. What should we know? Give us the info, if you can bear it.

So Joel, I hope you return and can offer some insight. I know we seem a silly bunch of girls but we actually want to know and we can take the subject seriously if you are willing to do the same. If not, well, at least be funny. Gratitude, etc,


Woodrow said...

From now on when talking to your friend always refer to her uncircumcised man as her "uncut hunk". I'll think it's funny.

I'm cut, and I had the boy cut. Why? I don't know. I never researched the subject. It was never discussed in the birthing classes. I hadn't even thought about it until the after he was born and the doctor asked me if I wanted him circumcised. I suppose I said yes for no reason other than because my father had said the same thing when the doctor asked him the same question and boy howdy does that make me feel dumb.

Joel said...

woodrow - you know, i don't think you should be so hard on yourself. we live in a culture that really REALLY promotes circumcision. for example, the aids research done Africa. no matter how many times they specify how this research does not apply to America, and how simply wearing a condom will completely negate any effect that circumcision could have... there are STILL countless people, and even newspapers and articles written proclaiming "victory" for the circumcised. it is easy to perform a cultural tradition that you have been accustomed to your whole life. but perhaps you could give back, by making sure your friends and family take the time to do their research before they make the same mistake that you did. that would be an exceptional showing of strength and courage, if you would do that. its not easy challenging your culture, especially regarding a subject such as this!

nina - i am more than happy to answer any question you could possibly have regarding the subject! especially because you girls both sound like you have level heads, and are willing to see things from a different perspective than you are used to! GREAT news!

asking a guy how he likes to be touched/stroked/etc. is ALWAYS the right choice. communication is one of, if not THEE most important thing in the bedroom.

how does a foreskin work? well, its a little tricky to understand. its essentially an inner layer and an outer layer. the outer layer starts on the shaft and is made of very much the same type of tissue.. this skin goes up over the head of the penis. this skin then changes into the inner layer, as it folds back underneath. the innerlayer is a very special kind of skin found nowhere else on the body, and has some of the most sensitive skin EVER! this skin then joins to the shaft right below the head of the penis. when you pull a foreskin back, the inner layer becomes exposed, and the outer layer all pushes down towards the base of the shaft. the inner layer can cover about half of the entire length of the penis. if your still confused, i will make sure to explain it again in maybe a different way.

as for hurting him.... there are two things she MAY have to watch out for, in terms of hurting him.

first thing, it is possible that he may have a slightly tight foreskin, which would mean that the circular band of tissue at the top (which joins the inner and outer layer) has trouble stretching over the widest part of his hard penis, it will be easy enough to find out if this is the case, simply by slowing moving the skin up and down, and seeing how taught it gets, and asking how it feels, he will be sure to tell you! (if this is the case, a doctor can give him a steroid cream that will solve this problem quite easily!)

second of all, there is a narrow band of tissue on the underside of his penis, called a frenulum, it is just like that thing under your tongue... it is very elastic, and as you can imagine, there is a point where an elastic gets TOO tight. so when you pull down his foreskin, and slide it down the shaft, watch the frenulum and see how far it can stretch. some men can barely stretch it down past the head, while other men can stretch it EASILY all the way down with ease. she should find how far his frenulum stretches, and then only pull his foreskin down that far. it might seem complicated, or hard, but it REALLY isnt, and once you learn it once, it will make sense from that point on!

also.. the head can be quite sensitive, but if you consider the way your clitoris likes to be stimulated, you can treat the head of his penis in much the same way. by asking him if he wants more or less pressure, etc, you can easily find out how much stimulation he can handle on the head of his penis.

these are things you would probably know to do with any man, regardless of if he was circumcised or not.

remember, talking to your partner, and constantly asking them if they would like something faster or slower, can really help you learn what exactly your partner likes.

one thing that i really like, is if a girl keeps the foreskin covering the head, and then sticks her tongue under it, and swirls it around. it can be an enjoyable toy to play with, by doing things like that, or softly nibbling it.

the truth is... the differences really aren't that big. you could in fact, pull the foreskin all the way back, hold it there with one hand, and just pretend that his penis is circumcised the whole time! (although its certainly more fun if you dont! :p )

and nina... if you are willing to change your mind, and accept uncircumcised penises, in all their natural glory, my what a promising step that is, and what a great example you are. :D

btw, in 2005, only 9.2 percent of Canadians circumcised their babies. i don't know if you live in america or canada, but those are certainly telling numbers, considering there was a point when nearly all babies were being circumcised!

ask me more questions if you have any! i will keep checking this comments section periodically! :p

Nina said...

Most people in the US make the decision to circumcise without much thought. My brother and his wife had hours of discussion about it before their son was born and they ended up going forward with it even after all that talk for what they now realize was a specious reason: they were worried that their kid would be afraid there was something wrong with him because he didn't look the same as his dad or his friends. After he was born and the deed was done, they rethought it and concluded that well, how much time do kids really spend naked with their friends? Or their dads? Not that much, really. That said, they don't spend reams of time regretting the decision. Their son is healthy, life goes on, etc. The interesting thing (to my mind) is that if they do have another child and it is a boy, they won't be having him circumcised, which strikes me as more a more confusing version of the original dilemma. But anyway.

Joel: hello again and thanks for the thorough explanation. Information has been passed along to all interested parties. Two things I feel like mentioning: I wouldn't refuse to date a man who was uncircumcised - it just happens that I have never dated one because pretty much every age appropriate man in the US has had this procedure... it's that common. If I did meet a man who had not and we were all in love and stuff, well, I'd make friends with it. Most women I know are of basically the same attitude. Also, if I ever have a son, (unlikely at my age) I would not even consider having him circumcised. I have always thought it a strange tradition, and unless God himself appeared on a cloud and said "Unless you cut off part of your baby, I will be very displeased with you" I wouldn't do it. Jews, unhappily for them, are in exactly that predicament, but since I am not Jewish, I feel under no such orders. Also, the only man I ever considered procreating with was anti-circumcision and I trusted his judgment completely since he did an entire year of ob/gyn rotations in Europe. His aversion to the practice was total - and he was on the front lines, so to speak. So if I had a male child, I would be anxious about his health like any new mother would be - but I wouldn't have it done, and I would definitely have the male half of my parenting situation field all questions regarding such matters, especially if the male half was circumcised and my child was not.

Also, I can't believe you came ALL THE WAY BACK HERE and did not have a single word to say about my craft projects. Look, I know sex and body parts are more interesting subjects but Gosh, I made those baby booties with my own hands. I worked hard. How 'bout some appreciation?

(I am totally kidding).

Maggie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Maggie said...

Totally in agreement with you about no circumcisions, also agree it's a little bit of getting used to (when I interacted with my first foreskin I went and asked my doctor friend to explain all).

My neighbors were pregnant last summer, and the wife is Jewish but the husband is Catholic and very opposed to circumcision. Fortunately they had a girl, so conflict was avoided. Regardless, at my housewarming party the husband got into a heated debate with my 21-year-old cousin about circumcision, and my cousin brought up the old line about how it's easier on kids if they look like their dad.

"But," I pointed out, "your dad isn't circumcised..."
"He's not?"
"He was born in Italy. Catholic. In the 1950's. At HOME. No, he's not circumcised. And if you didn't know that until now, how on earth does it matter if a boy looks like his father?"

That pretty much ended the debate right there. As far as I can figure, all guys think that *other* guys are always comparing dicks, even if they aren't.

Either that, or they're just worried about what we think, and that one episode of Sex and the City didn't help. So I guess it's only fair that both women and men have body image issues...

Joel said...

nina- if you like the idea of me commenting on other aspects of your blog, i may just have to take you up on the offer!

regarding your latest post, i have to admit, i grinned a wide happy grin when i read that you wouldn't consider circumcising a child of your own, if you ever had one. REGARDLESS of sexual preferences, i think the issue regarding the rights of the child are MUCH more important.

afterall, if virtually all uncircumcised men, who own and enjoy a foreskin, wouldn't go out and get circumcised, or circumcise their kids, what makes you think that your uncircumcised baby would want to be circumcised? i just think its important for parents to REALLY think about what their child would want. its easy to make the procedure into something that it isn't.

Maggie's example of how some circumcised men want their child to look like them, etc... i don't think that decision is always made with the babies true interests at heart.

i don't blame parents who DID make the choice though, because of the culture we live in, many parents didn't even really think about it as an option, because they are so conditioned to believe it's normal.

however, in this age of information though, i do think that future-parents owe it to their sons to do their research first.

i was a little confused by what you meant when you said this:

"I would definitely have the male half of my parenting situation field all questions regarding such matters, especially if the male half was circumcised and my child was not."

also, i have my own opinion about the jewish "bris" but perhaps we'll get into that next time. but i DEFINITELY believe in religious freedom.

btw, keep us posted on how your friend's experience goes.

Maggie: great comment. :p