Some runners up:
One day this week, I forget which, I went out to run an errand, and I stubbed my toe (flip flops) on a roach coach*. This upset me so profoundly that I swore audibly, abandonned my errand and walked directly to the liquor store, where I purchased one of the big bottles of chardonnay (I am a drunk, but a sissy of a drunk - go figure). I brought it home, got on the computer, located Supajewie and proceeded to drink the entire bottle of chard while bitching at Supa (warp speed, fast as my fingers could type) about being in the cross-hairs of the worst fucking karma ever and did I think I could con my doctor into giving me another scrip for xanax? And was it ok with her if puked at met her right back in ten minutes for more complaining?
Another day this week, I told my students that I would give them their papers back. I didn't. I didn't even read them. In fact, I am pretty sure I left them on the floor in the cubicle pen at Panic Hire U - and that the janitor threw them away. Guess how much I care? Go ahead, guess?**
Another beauty:
Gristedes chashier, scanning a can the following two item -- the only ones in my basket:
She says: Tough day?
I say, paying in quarters: The better question, *squinting at name tag...* Shanique, is which of these is dinner and which is breakfast?
She laughed. She bagged. Because me and Shanique? We down, yo.
*
** I don't care at all.
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