Reader: Gems

Monday, October 22, 2007

Gems

Because I did nothing but grade papers today, a few gems from my students:

"A man got no business to be perpetrating like he all this. A man got to keep it real."

Indeed. Keep it real, my friend.

"Swollen breasts, ravenous for bread and pasta, being pregnant will turn their world upside down."

I am glad you are pregnant and you can eat all the pasta and bread you can shove in. But please, don't make me picture YOUR BREASTS eating pasta... or having their world, or the world of the pasta, turned upside down.

"A man falls in love, burning down that long traveled path, out on a limb with no net, he is up a creek."

Couldn't you have squeezed one more metaphor in there, you know, for cliche mixing purposes?

Don't be fooled by my sarcasm. I love teaching. Really.

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Who are these people?

Bibi - God bless the guy who gets Bee. I can't even think of anything obnoxious to say about her. She can eat pasta without gaining weight, she can run the ridges at Gertrude's Nose with no fear, and she is by miles the best climber of all of us. She's going to Kili with us. Hell, she'll be leading.
Buzz Elder Brother. Cross me at your peril.
Jib computer wizard, entrepreneur, stand-up comedian, stand-up guy I can count on to catch a movie and hold hands in the dark without it having any meaning whatosever. Every woman needs a man like Jib.
Joe - locquacious, flirtatious, 40-something hiking buddy - also, ex-manfriend of Pax.
Larry, WPITW - climber, hiker, badass (not in the good way, either). At a given moment, at least half of us are not speaking to him.
Liam - My nephew, whose favorite words are "noing," "Bobby," "dumptruck," "job-site" and "Daddy." He also says "obstreperous" "pulchritudinous" and "Nina" upon request.
Merry - Australian BFF spends the summers on a yacht, nannying for a celebrity couple with two children. She lives in a brownstone and she has a chauffeur. And we have no idea who she works for.
Newsy has been my friend for about 22,000 hours. Or more. I don't have a calculator. She has about 3423% more professional and personal commitments than I do, and yet she still finds time to think about me. I find this astonishing. If you knew her, you'd be astonished, too.
Pax - climber, hiker, corporate warrior, used to date Joe. Sticks by Larry in spite of his horribleness. None of us understands this.
Skatey- he rides a skateboard. He can dance. He can throw a frisbee and he's not bad at karaoke, either.
Sri - Bengali princess who, aside from kicking my ass at climbing, and aside from being a smokin' hiker, brought down the evil empire of Larry and also once told me that "even girls' are turned on my breasts." Also never turns down "one more round."
Supajewie - Long distance drinking buddy, just about the only person I know who "gets it". And no, she's not Jewish. It's a long story.
Tex - is what happens when you take a normal man, add alcohol, subtract common sense and tact, and then buy him another drink.

English Teacher Disclaimer

I teach English, and I sometimes get a emotional about grammar, punctuation, and usage. I sometimes write posts about other people's grammar - or mine. This does not mean, however, that my blog is without errors. I constantly go back and edit for typos and sometimes even... misspelled words *clutching skull and gagging*. If you find a mistake feel free to call me out on it. I will persist in making mistakes whether I attempt to catch them or not, and I will continue to be my bitchy English teacher self despite my capacity to screw up just as often as the next person... and maybe more.