PAVTAC: People Against Violence Toward Annoying Cats, please help me. My cat. Oh my God.
Would you believe that at one point this afternoon, I picked up my cat-head and approached the open window intending to drop him fourteen stories to his death?
It's true.
Why?
First, he is annoying. He sings all day and he bitches about the food and only likes me between midnight and six am. He expresses this very transient affection by sleeping on my head. (I don't like that).
Second and more to the point, he stole my Xanax. I was sitting here doing my stultifying and soul-sucking job when I got it into my head that I should check the linen drawer - which is cat-head's favorite place to sleep during the daytime.
There I found cat-head, stoned out of his gourd with the baglet between his teeth. He was nibbling at the seal. He was probably about three nibbles from having a complete break through and ODing right there in the linen drawer.
He sure looked happy, though.
Thank you to everyone who prayed for the return of my drugs. Y'all are pals.
Oh and speaking of cat-challenges, go read this.
Tomorrow I will honor the beautiful, virtuous, and wicked smart Em's request and talk about my heights phobia. So embarrassing.
13 comments:
Whew. St Anthony came through for me. I was NOT looking forward to seeing you on the evening news.
My Pekoe is medicated for our protection, and it rarely seems to make a damn bit of difference on what a whiney beotch she is.
Mmmmm ... Xannies for everyone!
If Jamaica steals my stash, it won't be pretty. I'm glad you found your meds, and hope the kitty was unharmed.
What a smart kitty!!!
catjinx! that's something my cats would do. glad you found your goods.
So glad you found your drugs, and that you did not indeed kill your cat :-).
YES! Okay, I am laughing my ass off right now. I never read that post about cat-head singing songs, but it's really funny! You are hysterical!
We seem to be sharing a cat.
Hey, but at least if you had dropped him he would have landed on his feet, right?
You know...tossing a kitty out the window would make a kick ass video post...
See? I neatly side-stepped these car-related issues by having kids instead. Oh sure, unlike cats they can call the police on me if I were to let them out of their rabbit cages but at least they can't cozy up with my xanax in a dresser drawer. You know, because like, they don't fit.
Suddenly I'm thinking that you're smarter than me.
Cats. Are. Evil. At least the two I have are...and they would have pooped on my meds. And laughed about it. And dang. No 14 story window to throw them out of, either.
Oh, go ahead and drop him, Nina. You'll feel better afterwards. Unless you hit someone below that is.
Post a Comment