If you are paying attention to the Catholic calendar, today is Friday of the Good kind, but don't let the name fool you: things didn't go well for God and Jesus on Good Friday. They went very poorly. Things went better for Christian people, who in essence get the balance of their unpaid sin-bills met by God on this day. That's right, God picks up the remainder of your tab if you repent and repent sincerely. It's an excellent deal, especially if you consider that you don't have the currency yourself. So it's good for you, rather unpleasant (to put it mildly) for God, but we all end up better off on the third day, Easter.
If you have been reading for any period of time lately, you know that in terms of spiritual progress during lent, I achieved absolutely none. I made it to confession once, I resolved to try not to be 100% shifty and mean, and the result was that I ended up screaming at God like a spoiled child, which is an apt description of me from pretty much any perspective, spiritual or otherwise.
So where does that leave me today? It leaves me getting up, going to church, listening to a four hour sermon on the last words of Christ (this is a much more fun way to spend an afternoon than you might imagine, really) and then meeting one of the many friends I have neglected in during my six month bout of Crazy for dinner (and groveling because I have neglected her).
I used to think that people who showed up at church when their hearts were not in it were hypocrites and cowards for not having the strength to bail out of something that wasn't working for them. Now that I am one of those people myself, I take a different view. Showing up when your heart isn't in it could be strength of a different kind. Perhaps perseverance? Perhaps an act of a different kind of faith? Possibly, hope that someday it (meaning my record as a Catholic and a Christian), might improve? Or at any rate I guess it can do no one any real harm. So off I go.
Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. I won't describe it (oh wait... parts of it are very funny and you might find them fun to read... let me rethink that) because the world-wide first horseman of the apocalypse has probably heard about enough complaining from me. Or at any rate, I would be ashamed of myself if I posted yet another long diatribe about how life is to friggin' unfair to me. 'Nuff said.
Have a g(G)ood Friday. Thank you for reading.
10 comments:
Happy Jesus Eggs Weekend.
The world is shit.
May the Baby Jesus smile down upon you.
I'm impressed that you go to church at all.
I hope the day brings a little extra sparkle. Sorry you are down.
"Happy" Good Friday to you. Enjoy your seafood tonight. ;)
I'm sorry that you had a bad day yesterday. Would you like me to beat anyone for you?
You're welcome.
I was always a little confused about why it was called "Good" Friday too.
"Do not be deceived - our cause is never more in peril when a human looks about himself, at a world in which all traces of God seem to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken - and still believes."
CS Lewis, "The Screwtape Letters"
And though it is very hard, it should be said - when I go to Mass because the sun is shining and Jesus and me are like totally BFF, I'm not really doing anything requiring faith or courage. When you go to Mass despite telling God to take a long flying jump into a pile of rusty lawn darts, you are. Based on that evidence your faith is working far harder for you than mine for me, and is open to more grace from Him.
The hard training is no more fun than doing crunches and resisting cookies, but you climb farther and find a more rewarding experience from doing it that way. And in the end, you will see and understand Him far better than someone who has shirked the good fight.
In short, I read what you go through and how little I get out of my blessings and I am rebuked.
Oh - I want to know what happened!!! Have a better day!
Going to church when your heart's not in it can be a way of restoring yourself. When you're at your lowest points, you may find yourself feeling *something* whatever it may be, even if it's just energy from the faith around you. Hope it provides you with a boost.
"Showing up when your heart isn't in it could be strength of a different kind. Perhaps perseverance?" Most definitely, but I find that when I finally make myself go again, I always feel better for it, if only for a little while.
This is the second post I've read today that sounds as if the writer got into my brain. I wish you bloggers would knock it off.
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