Why did I post a bunch of quotations from Fight Club?
I did it because I realized at around four in the morning that my life had become a lot like the movie, except where the part where I get to smash people in the face.
Let's review the similarities:
1) I haven't been able to sleep for about six months.
2) I have been forgetting things. A lot of them.
3) My employers are "concerned" about me.
4) I have developed an imaginary friend who lives in the computer (hint: her name is Nina).
5) Nina, despite real me's grief and terror, is trying to hit bottom.
6) Nina, despite real me's grief and terror, does not believe anymore. In anything.
7) Nina, despite real me's terrible fear of basically everything, is branching out, colonizing, taking risks.
8) Slowly, surely, Nina is making real me's decisions.
9) It is not yet known to real me whether Nina's sway over me is damaging to real me.
10) Nor is it clear to real me that Nina isn't just me. With a different name and more courage.
Neither of us will be building an army or blowing things up. But Nina very much wants to get out of the city. Nina very much thinks it is time we moved to Canada or Utah or Mazatlan or Cuzco.
Nina wants out, wants to start over.
Scared of me yet?
Well, don't worry. Tomorrow, I'll talk about rainbows and unicorns and fields of green.
Promise.
21 comments:
Oh man, I'm so with you on this one.
Which one of me are you with? :)
I never saw that movie.
I am Jack's raging bile duct.
I am Jack's ruptured spleen.
I am Jack's femoral artery.
I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection.
I am Jack's broken heart.
I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.
(I am not saying it's a great movie - but you should see it. At any rate, the stuff I posted today would make sense if you did).
Come on down to Memphis with Sarie and I Nina - trust me, this post of yours we DO understand - more then we truly want to - you're always welcome hun!
I second what Lithie said.
Come on down girl. We can be the three amigos...or something.
The best part about this whole possible split personality event.. is knowing full well that both personalities are you. All the gritty details and the shiny details and everything in between are all yours, even if you are unfamiliar with many of the things parts of you are doing.
Unless you really want a reality similar to the one Tyler Durden experiences in Fight Club, I'd consider how deep into the rabbit hole you want to go before taking a dive. Been there a few times and I'm crazy enough as it is when I'm considered close to sane by the people around me to let myself get into that shit again. That's why I don't drop acid. Well, one of the reasons.
Also, it is a really great movie.
"Nice, Big, Cock."
Scared of you? I think I AM you...
Stuffing feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.
This? Is a chemical burn.
Nina, both are you. They can coexist happily if you stop separating them.
The book was awesome... i consider it one of the best pieces of American fiction written in the last 20 years. The movie was ok... but the book was transcendent.
I Love me some Chuckie P.
Whichever one of you is breaking out and doing courageous things should keep doing that. Doesn't matter if it isn't the real you - I wonder if sometimes we need to be someone else to do the things we're scared to do.
Don't discount the benefits of having your own army...
I've got some soap. Bring yourselves on over.
I feel for you and have been where you are. It won't last forever, I promise. I loved Fight Club by the way :-). Hugs.
That's it. I'm not eating any french toast or New England clam chowder while reading your blog. ;)
Ever since Woodrow wrote about getting his socks, I call you La Nina (Neeya with the Spanish tilde on the second n) in my head.
I find it interesting that la nina con tilde means "the girl child" and now that's your side kick.
Kids are pretty darn smart, la nina. Maybe you should listen to her.
Not, not Utah...you won't want to know which one of you will survive in Utah. ;/
Actually, I think you'd thrive in Utah. And that isn't because it's the mecca of mormonism.
Utah, specifically Salt Lake City, is the oasis in the desert for all sorts of alternative lifestyles, simply because it is the largest city for several mountain west states (think 3rd largest gay populated city in the country).
AND your never more than 3o min by car from seven different canyons. Seven. Three hours from red-rock and goblin valley. Utah is an outdoor dream. Jack's raging hard-on for rock climbing (and mountaineering, just seven to ten hours east) would explode in a bloody mess in Utah. And does. Think Aron Ralston.
Except you are blonde and blue eyed and that will probably push you into doing something drastic with your looks to assert your individualism.
Homogenized yogurt.
I have a plane ticket right here if Nina's real you wants to escape for a while. Just say the word.
dude, if your employers are worried about you, then they should pay you consistently, and all that jazz.
As for places to go, Boston is always here for you, babe.
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