Why did I post a bunch of quotations from Fight Club?
I did it because I realized at around four in the morning that my life had become a lot like the movie, except where the part where I get to smash people in the face.
Let's review the similarities:
1) I haven't been able to sleep for about six months.
2) I have been forgetting things. A lot of them.
3) My employers are "concerned" about me.
4) I have developed an imaginary friend who lives in the computer (hint: her name is Nina).
5) Nina, despite real me's grief and terror, is trying to hit bottom.
6) Nina, despite real me's grief and terror, does not believe anymore. In anything.
7) Nina, despite real me's terrible fear of basically everything, is branching out, colonizing, taking risks.
8) Slowly, surely, Nina is making real me's decisions.
9) It is not yet known to real me whether Nina's sway over me is damaging to real me.
10) Nor is it clear to real me that Nina isn't just me. With a different name and more courage.
Neither of us will be building an army or blowing things up. But Nina very much wants to get out of the city. Nina very much thinks it is time we moved to Canada or Utah or Mazatlan or Cuzco.
Nina wants out, wants to start over.
Scared of me yet?
Well, don't worry. Tomorrow, I'll talk about rainbows and unicorns and fields of green.