Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Green fields of Unicorns

This post has nothing to do with green fields. Or unicorns.

It has to do with a memory I had this morning while a twenty year old student was, just for me, explaining the procedure for getting high using a nail and a can of whipped cream. What a nice kid.

So while he was telling me of this and many other common household items that can be used to psycho-pharmacological advantage, I remembered, suddenly, that way back when I was a sorority girl, we had a, um, sorority rush ritual we used for weeding out people who were not funny enough to be our official branded college BFFs.

What we did, on the third night of rush, was lead our prospective members into a candle lit room. There, we would solemnly chant the code of values our national headquarters held so dear. At the moment of highest possible solemnity, we held up cans of hairspray that we conveniently placed on the table, flicked a bic lighter, and produced a plume of pure flame in front of the dear faces of our possible future official branded college BFFs.

Any potential member who failed to laugh was cut. You simply couldn't be one of us if you didn't get why that was funny.

Yes, it was a violation of fire code.

Yes, we were reprimanded by "national" for doing it.

Yes, we continued to do it anyway.

I used to think that sorority / fraternity membership was bullshit. Truthfullly, I still do. But I can't ignore that fact that sixteen years after graduation, the only people I keep in touch with from college are sorority sisters. Chand, Newsy, and Tree, and Zard. Just yesterday, Chand told me I could move in with her if I needed to get out of the city and not deal for a while. I wouldn't even ask that of my own sisters, and she offered without me asking.

Despite the fact that sororities are elitist and stupid and despite the fact that I am now Jack's medulla oblongata, I really do have some good friends.

(Give me a break. It's Tuesday).


Rick said...

I'm usually really hard on sororities and fraternities (grew up watching Revenge of the Nerds), while also having never seriously attended University. SO, I'm like an expert, right? I'm really glad you have people that watch your back. That's fucking awesome and not everyone has that.

And I had the hardest time remembering how to pronounce "oblongata" the other day.

Sizzle said...

I will totally cut you some slack but only because it is Tuesday. If it were Wednesday, forget it!


It's good to have people like that who have your best interest at heart.

Avitable said...

I have excellent friends from college, and we were all people who chose to stay away from the Greek system.

M@ said...

You guys sound like a riot. Hmmm.... My buddies and I, when we were freshmen, liked to steal real estate signs and try to "sell" our dorm. It never got old.

Em said...

Very good to have lasting friendships for sure. I had no interest whatsoever in joining a sorority in college. One of my very good friends, who I still keep in touch with, did join one and we didn't hate her for it. She usually decided we were more fun to hang with then her "sisters" though.

Mr. Bingley said...

That's great that you have that network. I was not at all into the greek scene in college, but I'm glad it's there for you.

But I must admit I used to love sorority rush. I drove the buses at UVA that circled the Grounds for my beer money, and sorority rush allowed me to claim with a straight face that I picked up hundreds of babes every night...

Say It said...

OMG. Not sure what year this was, but in my younger days, we had BIG hair, with LOTS of Paul Mitchel Freeze and Shine in it. All I could think while reading this was: gasp! My hair!


Dagny said...

So you are like that are you? LOL


I am sure it is really cool to belong like that somewhere.

And I keep in touch with no one from uni. Not one.

LAS said...

That's great that you have such close friends from college. I'm not in touch with anyone I went to college or law school with actually. Hmm, that's kind of sad. I'll cut you some slack for being a sorostitute, ha ha, just cause you are cool. I bet you get all kinds of hits on this post by people searching for green fields and unicorns, cause you know, that's a common thing to search for. I wrote a post called, this is a post about catalytic converters, except that it wasn't, and I get hits on that post every single day!

nightfly said...

Medulla Oblongata - brain part, or lost Police album?

You ignited aerosol hairspray in front of the pledges, for laughs... this Tyler Durden thing goes far back, apparently!

Mr. Bingley said...

Medulla Oblongata - brain part, or lost Police album?

buwhahaha, good one, 'Fly!

Effortlessly Average said...

Wow, your initiation ritual sure beat my fraternitys'.

I've never looked at farm animals the same way after that night...