Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Agony Sweater

It is a black cashmere cardigan with a roll neck and a clever and flattering sash. It is cozy warm and delightful. It is exactly what one wants to apply to one's person when one is feeling sorry for oneself for every reason in the known universe - and is eating Cheetos in front of the computer.

My sister Leta wore it when her aunt was dying of cancer. She wore it the entire time she was in labor with Liam. She handed it off to me when my dad was in the ICU on a ventilator, and I wore it every day while we were there. I gave it back to her this fall when things got especially rough around her house and she has been curled up in it for the past several months, hoping that some day her child would take a breath and stop talking. (See below).

I made the mistake this weekend of heading out the their place in a t-shirt and track pants. This was fine until the temperature dropped to forty.

So I am now in possession of the agony sweater.

The trouble is, for the first time in six months or so, I am short on agony.

I am sleeping at night. I am getting work done. I am seeing my friends deliberately. I am making it to the gym because I feel like it.

Is this what it is like to be happy?

Damn, it's nice.

(Oh by the way: did you like me better when I was always bitching? Just curious).

16 comments:

Em said...

Happy is good too. :-)

Maggie said...

No no no, happy Nina is excellent as well. I just wish I could also get ot the gym...

Sizzle said...

I like you either way.

123Valerie said...

I've been inspired and comforted by both your sadness and happiness, so you're always OK in my book, Dear Reader.

Finn said...

We'll take you any way we can get you.

Annie said...

Happy is good, cause we want you to be happy, don't be sad for our entertainment :-).

LAS said...

I hope you were wearing the pants you stole from the neighbor! I think you should re-name the sweater the "happy sweater" or something, wear it around, get all happy and then give it back to Leta for some happiness! I like you either way though. Happy is good! I have that reaction sometimes - where I think - is this how most people feel? Wow!!!

Jennifer Griffin-Wiesner said...

Happy is so, so nice, though I find happy people often have much less to say. But that's okay! :-)

Mr. Bingley said...

Despair! Taxes are due soon!

country roads said...

It's a strange feeling isn't it? Congratulations! :-)

Dagny said...

I'm glad you are happy. It makes me smile. :)

P said...

I have an agony sweater too. I wore it through every break-up I've ever had and whenever I look at it, it totally depresses me.

nightfly said...

It's good to be able to be glad with you!

Jennifer said...

yay!! I'm really glad you are not in need of the agony sweater. :) that is good. it is good to be happy and having time for yourself and friends and balance in your life. :)
i think that is pretty sweet that you and your sister have an agony sweater, sad that you need one, but let's be realistic... so it is nice to have one another and something you share so lovingly. :)
xoxox's jenn

Dan said...

Happy works for me.

Kate P said...

I like you for you, happy or sad. But I'm glad to hear you're sleeping!!!

P.S. Please mail the agony sweater to me--I'll pay the postage.