You all might remember that whallago I promised to write about blog love, a subject that thrills and confuses me -- but mostly just makes me wiggle around in my pajamas with child-like glee.
Seriously, I do that. I wiggle with glee when I find someone new and fun to read, someone I think no one knows about but me... some new blog love all my own, a new blog I can dip into and read and then return to my bloglines list without anyone knowing a thing about it.
Last couple of months, however, things got a little weird, and I found myself experiencing real jealousy for the first time in my life. It first happened when I discovered that my beloved Avi had somehow discovered the wonder of my Maggie and when I discovered that the love of my internet life, Woodrow had also been dipping into Maggie's blog and had alluded - not offered, mind you, but alluded to a willingness to impregnate her.
I kind of lost my shit.
Maggie, according to me, was MINE. How dare people click on all those links in my blogroll and visit my top secret blog friends? How DARE?
Then when I read carefully, I saw that my other top secret blog love, P, had been over to Woodrow's One Man Internet Bordello* and was all BFFs with him, too. The one true love of my internet life was all cuddled up nice and cozy with my top secret blog love! I was crushed. Betrayed on both sides. Everyone all meeting for beers and nachos and not even, like, being shy about it.
And not so very long after than, my own beloved, Julie was openly asking for new internet friends. And that sent me into a paroxysm of jealousy. My Julie.... she is mine, internet. Between Julie and me, it is not merely chatting and giggling, I can tell her anything. Anything, no matter how ugly and wrong. She is my second self, my dark twin, my confessor.
And then she suddenly wanted other internet loves. Jesus. Can you even fathom the pain?
Of course, I realized on the quick side that these feelings were absurd and irrational and the opposite of nice.
As therapy, I decided to create a mighty tribute post to everyone who had EVER stopped by my blog and commented. The plan was to out all my secret blog loves all at once so that I was sharing all that goodness I had found on my internets without prejudice. It was a painful exercise, and after I accomplished it, I thought surely I would feel better.
I didn't. The result is that now even Em has been discovered by Avitable and Woodrow. I don't even have Annie all to myself anymore.
Since then, I have had more than one reason to reflect, that is to say think long and hard, about my peculiar jealous affection for people who live in the computer. But before I say more on this subject, I would like to know what you... the people who live in my computer... have to say about my brand of internet crazy.
Say something. Anything.
* Check back later today. I have lots more to say about blog love, especially of the Woodrow variety.