Monday, December 10, 2007

Hold the green stuff

Here's what we did last night while watching movies:

We demolished that stash of weapons grade chocolate only two hours after we ate spaghetti and garlic bread for dinner. There might have been a green vegetable in there somewhere this weekend but I can't remember.* What did we eat for lunch? Oh, let's see... buttered toast and butterscotch candy. Because, well, that sounded good.

We don't eat breakfast around here unless you count coffee and frosted flakes - for me, minus the frosted flakes. We eat those again if it's midnight and we can't sleep. Everyone knows that carbs are a soporific.

When I get back to New York tonight, I have to prepare for the onslaught that will be tomorrow - last day of classes at Panic Hire University. Please note: this would be a fun day if I had graded everything I have to give back to them and had I given them their student evaluation forms last week. It's going to be NUTS.

Then I will be free from that place, hopefully forever, and I can work out the salvation of my ever-widening love handles. I am serious, people. I have even thought about getting on a scale and posting my actual weight. The only reason I am not going to do that is that I have the teensiest little infinitesimal over-interest in numbers, and one good way to land me in Charter Hospitals next to Mary Kate Olsen would be to start weighing myself. The way this sort of thing is handled by borderline obsessive people who don't want an eating disorder is the use a tape measure or an old pair of jeans and eat the hell out of some arugula.

So today, I am going to bake christmas cookies and eat candy and bagels and weapons grade chocolate all day, and then tomorrow, arugula, and by Christmas I will be able to reel my ass back into my jeans with no trouble. I hope.

Will post pictures of the cookies later. If you are in the commenting spirit but are horrified by the diet I have just described, tell me that most nutritionally disgusting thing you have ever eaten - you know, in place of actual food.

Have an excellent day.

* Yes, I can. It was the battered sliver of green pepper right next to that glob of pepperoni on the pizza the other night.


nightfly said...

So I'm sitting here and laughing, until I remember my diet over the past several days...

Saturday: BK Lounge; tons of snack food and chocolate items (we had a small party)
yesterday: coffee and buttered bagel; pasta with THREE kinds of cheese; leftover snack items from party; 2 cans of soda
today (so far): 2 cups coffee-flavored sludge; half a buttered bagel; leftover corned beef and several dim sum nuggets

There's also some fruit today to finish lunch - this requires another half of a buttered bagel and maybe a can of soda to wash it down.

I will have to eat twelve pounds of spinach to atone for this weekend.

(word verification - vyjfkpem - the noise my colon made when presented with three days of junk calories to digest)

Julie said...

For lunch today I ate a handful of triscuits and easy cheese from a spray can.

Mr. Fabulous said...

"Weapons grade chocolate"--awesome!

P said...

1. Summer sausage (nothing says Christmas like summer sausage)
2. Kosher dill pickles
3. Fiddle Faddle

In one sitting.

Maggie said...

Julie, Triscuits with Easy Cheese is my fave comfort food! Not Cheez Whiz, not real cheese, but very specifically Easy Cheese. Preferably Sharp Cheddar.

Mmm, now I know what I want for dinner, thanks!

utenzi said...

I'm in synch with you. I've been going nuts on chocolate the past two weeks. I'm going to have to pick up more this week.

Julie said...


I ONLY do the sharp cheddar. OMG, did you SEE that they make cream cheese easy cheese now? Bleh.

Maggie said...

Julie --
That's ridiculous. Everyone knows cream cheese only goes on saltines, not triscuits.

I will have you know I had to go to two stores last night to find easy cheese and triscuits, and in the end I had to settle for Cheddar, not sharp. But the good part was, the fancy gourmet/convenience store near me was very upset that they could not met my snacking needs, and have added Easy Cheese to the "new products for 20078" list they've been assembling!

Julie said...

That's hilarious, Maggie. I think they only had 2 cans left of the Sharp Chee at our grocery store, and silly me, I only bought one. It's almost gone, because it's been lunch for 3 days now.

Maybe I'll move on to the saltines and cream cheese, although the whole knife spreading thing seems to be so much work....

ByJane said...

What's with all these food comments? These people have obviously never been on the wrong side of a grade book at the end of the semester!

This post reminded me that last night I dreamt I was hired to teach a required class and after my first lecture, half the students dropped. Not so far from the truth, actually. I did it on purpose when enrollment was upwards of 50.

Thanks for the memories!!!!