Friday, August 22, 2008

Look! Over here!

It's another post about how I am really tired! And not feeling like myself!

Made you look.

Anyway, despite being tired and filmy, I did finally manage to do actual things that needed actual doing. I amazed myself by putting away my gear for the trip I didn't take to Tanzania and I did some thoughtful editing and judicious commenting on a document that needed such attention. I knitted a row or two. I fed Cathead and gave him water, only to have him walk right past it and drink out of the toilet, as he prefers. Then I returned a bunch of emails. Not the really nice one you sent to me - not that one.

Let me just keep talking about that. My inbox runneth over with kind thoughtful emails expressing condolences and dispensing all sorts of good advice and though my momma taught me better, I haven't written you back. Why? Because I am not a very good person. But also because there are so many and if I write back to one person but then put off writing back to some other person, the uneasy feelings of having chosen to answer one email rather than some other email causes me distress. So, uh, my way of avoiding such uneasy feelings is to eat cheese and pretend there are no emails. What are you talking about? What? Huh? Look! Over there! It's.... me... being thick and ordinary and ungracious.

I'll get back to y'all. I will. But by the time I do, you will probably not remember who I am anymore, even though you have this here internet diary to remind yourself.

I have no idea where I am going to be in a year or what I am going to be writing about. Thank you for reading.

8 comments:

Avitable said...

Are you taking anything that might help with the depression?

sybil law said...

Just do what you need to do! No one thinks anything bad of you - really!
:D
xoxoxoxoxo

ByJane said...

I don't remember if I emailed you, but consider this post your gracious and loving response to me.

Annie said...

I am so glad I did not send an email, I thought about it, but then I thought you would feel pressure to answer it :-). And I was right. XOXO

Finn said...

Annie and I had the same thought! Even though I didn't e-mail you I've been thinking about you a lot. And hoping that you are healing - however slowly.

catherine said...

Ha, I've been doing all my condolencing and metric-ton-of-love-sending right here in these little comments boxes, so there! (If I did by chance write you an email like the one you are describing, consider it answered. Please.) I'm hoping to see you online sometime very soon; if I don't, I will have to write you an email, but I'll phrase everything in such a way that you don't need to answer it. This is not a time for you to be feeling obliged like that.

I'll see you when I see you :)

Em said...

I did write you an email, but it was meant to be read not written back to, so please don't feel any pressure to respond to it!

ellie said...

You don't need to worry about what you'll be doing in a year. Just focus on the here and now.