If

If I were you, I would go say happy 31st birthday to Adam Avitable. You know, the guy with the dancing video, the guy with edicts and luscious drawings, the guy eating ice cream with Hitler. What, are you still here? Go give Adam a birthday salutation, please. You did it for me, so go now and do it for Avi. Thank you.

I was going to draft a tribute post for Avi titled "If I were Avitable," sung to the tune of If I were a Rich Man from Fiddler on the Roof. But I found I just wasn't up to the challenge. Instead, I will give you a list of things I would do better if I were Avitable.

If I were Avitable, I

... would post every day just after midnight, 365 days a year.
... respond to comments within the hour instead of twenty-four - or as is the case lately, never.
... would be doing my share to keep Britt off the street instead of merely reading her blog.
... would have a marauding band of adoring fans instead of a stalking problem from those guys from cell block E.
... would be sweet enough to have a dog named Jigsaw.
... would be well-adjusted enough to get married, Hitlerian associations notwithstanding.
... would still have a link up at Neilochka's place (Neil doesn't love me anymore. Heartbreaker, that guy).

I would also have the guts to routinely post my full name and street address on the internet; so confident and unfazed by criticism is Avi that he welcomes unmarked boxes that come in the mail, as they usually contain gifts and snacks from his readers. Once Britt got a stapler. That's the scariest thing they've received in the mail that I know of.

That's it for now. Will post later... after I am confident that all of you have wished Avi a happy birthday.

(OK what I meant was I'll post after I get back from the yarn shop. Need more stash).