Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The pale blond un-interestingness of it all

I neither shave nor wax my bikini line. Sorry. I am neither dark nor hairy enough to bother. (Unlike some people).

In fact, let me just keep talking. I sometimes get sad about my lack of interesting hair. The pale blond un-interestingness of it all. Women with a little pigmentation actually have something to trim back or wax - hell - some have enough to shave their boyfriends' initials into the situation.

I was at the gym yesterday, and I had to share a bank of lockers with such a (naked) creature. She was applying lotion to her shins, which required that she fling her shins up onto the counter (one at a time, of course). This afforded me a good view of her sitation, whether I wished to observe it or not.

She had shaved or waxed it into a, um, how to describe? A charming... runway. Then I noticed that she was darker than I in an all over way and had - get this - longer eyelashes and prettier, thicker hair. She even had visible eyebrows. Lovely, she was.

And then I got a little sad. I have no good reason to apply razor blades or firey hot wax to my parts or situation. This must be no way to live.

Someone comfort me.


P said...

This is an amazing thing: women who flaunt their sitch at the gym. WHAT IS THAT? Put your nani away, peeps!

Ew. I think Brazilian jobbies are horrifying. I went through pre-pubescence once, thank you very much, and that was quite enough.

Avitable said...

I'm thinking about applying fiery hot wax to my parts for a blog post.

Finn said...

Why can't people in locker rooms pretend to have some shame like the rest of us do? If I want to see pink, I'll buy a Hustler magazine. I prefer them well lit and airbrushed, thank you.

Comfort for you: Think of all the money you're saving. Those waxes are expensive, girl. Take that money and have your eyebrows dyed and buy a good mascara.

Ki said...

If you want to wax your tender-nethers, I think you're mad.

But perhaps you can feel better about the fact those poor women have to wax and shave other more public places-- like taking off the mustach and side burns. And if they don't do it regularly they get nasty accusations about being transvestites.

Bad transvestites.

123Valerie said...

Nina, I adore you. I love that you called it her "situation."

I have battled the nether regions for years, my dear. I'm not Avitable hairy, but what I do have is all unruly curls--short and curlies indeed.

I am jealous of people with straight "situations" who are able to create designs or letters--mine would be all blury.

Yay Intertubes for allowing people to open up about what's in their pants.

Em said...

Don't be sad, Nina. If we were all dark and hairy with charming runways how fun would that be?

I am a sometimes waxed, sometimes shaved but always nearly bare kinda girl, and yeah. . .otherwise it'd be a mess down there.

But, you, you should embrace the paleness, embrace the not-very-hairy-ness. One less grooming step to worry about. Yay!

nicoleantoinette said...

I love that you linked me with this post. Clearly I have strong positive feelings about brazilian waxes :)

But really, don't feel bad! You're saving yourself some serious money and annoyance.

susan said...

It's not only the ladies, apparently, for whom this "situation" arises. Christopher Hitchens recently tried it:

"The male version of the wax is officially called a sunga, which is the name for the Brazilian boys’ bikini. I regret to inform you that the colloquial term for the business is 'sack, back, and crack.'"

More here, with (sadly) photos (and although probably SFW, probably not safe for any food you've recently consumed).

Nina said...

P, I cannot imagine permitting anyone near any sitch below elbow level. (I do get my very blond eyebrows threaded). (Let's not even think of the agony involved in getting a sitch threaded).

Avitable, Oh, good! I will be watching for that. Bonus if you can get a Korean nail tech to do the waxing. You do have those in Florida, right?

Finn, I know. It's just that the whole thing is so very like my issue with my breasts. You see, flat chested women can stuff a bra. But I and all other similarly afflicted can do nothing to change the appearance of our breasts except buy pretty bras and make the best of it. And I, um, yes! I already engage in all sorts of trickery with tint and mascara.

Em, all true. Mostly I am glad I don't have this issue. But sometimes I do think it would be fun to look different. For example to NOT look like I have been dipped in pasty Irish genetic bleaching agent.

Nicoleantoinette, your coping mechanism, the waxing, it's awesome. How fortunate you are to have a genuine love of the wax. Did you really call it a peanut? Why, I believe you did. :-)

Susan, I was aware that some men get man-scaped but seriously, ew. Men are not supposed to be hairless. Right?? Right???

Avitable said...

Yes they do. But I'm having trouble finding someone who will do man parts. I might have to make Britt do it as part of her employment.

Marlee said...

Pubes cannot be mentioned in my presence without evoking the DEBILITATING memory of my MIL's literally STREAMING out of her bathing suit AND DOWN HER LEG last summer at the pool.

Yes, for all to see.

No, she did not care.

I'm going to go curl up in the fetal position now...

utenzi said...

I like Nicole's blog, Nina, but I'm not so sure about the hairy parts guy post. Ick. Seriously.

Blonds and redheads usually have sparse hair and that's great for lots of reasons. I must admit tho that dark eyes are very soulful and not many blonds have those.

You could always spray glue on your parts and roll around in dark lint if you want to get a feel for how the darker pigmented among us live, Nina. It'll last a few days and then wear off. LOL Fuzzy Nina.

Woodrow said...

I'm not sure how to comment on this post without being inappropriate. So I'll just say I'm sorry for your situation. It must be hard to be in a situation like that.

Rick said...

I've shaved off, at one time or another and excluding eyebrows, nosehair and eyelashes, all the hair on my person. Yes. All of it.

I've done some waxing on the legs and bled some. Maybe I didn't do it very well, I just don't think the waxing was for me. Shaving was fine though, except the regrow all over my torso, including pubic regions, was TERRIBLE.

Scrotal isn't so bad.

These days, I'm hairy all over and wonder what happened to my testosterone pumped friends to make them hairless (chest and legs, mostly) in their adult lives.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

haha, this is my first time to your blog and I htink youre freaking awesome.

I happen to have super dark, almost black hair, i'm italian and if I dont shave EVERYDAY I immediately look like a wholly mammouth.

So, its not that bad to be lighter. I promise.

Kate P said...

Did you ever see Andrew Wyeth's paintings of Helga? She's very fair. (Uh, everywhere.) They're really beautiful.

Effortlessly Average said...

Well I have not only consolation, I have a solution! Hold really still and I'll apply a liberal coating from this here mascara brush I've never used on my chest hair in my life.

No really, I haven't.


Shut up.

Nina said...

Ki, Hi! Thanks for stopping by. It is true; I have no mustache. I suppose I should be grateful.

Valerie, It appears that all my fears of grossing people out by writing about body hair and girl parts was unwarranted. (And yes, you know you are out of bloggable material when you start writing about pubic hair envy). Oh! and I think the curliness is pretty standard.

Avi, Britt would probably enjoy waxing you. Get her a good smock and some popsicle sticks and put her to work.

Marlee, yeah, see, that's a European thing. Is she European? Or just an inconsiderate American? Sorry I grossed you out.

Utenzi, Fuzzy Utenzi. Where I am to get all the dark lint from?

Woodrow, I admire your forbearance. But you might notice that the entire post is inappropriate. Who talks about her situation on the internet? Disgusting, truly.

Rick, Wow! But the question is why? Did you have a reason for wanting to get rid of all your hair?

Chelsea, Hi! Thanks for stopping by. I bet if I reproduced with an Italian person I could free my offspring from all the paleness. Oh wait. That would involve dating. Never mind.

Kate P, I looked them up. Very nice, true. (I am so embarrassed that there are like 15 people pitying me for my lack of body hair. What was I thinking)??

EA, Thanks for the wand. Is waterproof?

Rick said...

Why? Because, I am a curiuos Kat. I like to try new things; I like to screw with norms.

At some point I didn't like having male parts (think ever since I was threeish)) and so feminizing myself seemed appropriate.

Mostly I just like to do new things, especially if other people get squeamish about it. Which, so it seems, like most of the people commenting on this post ;) Save for Avitable, of course.

Effortlessly Average said...

Yeah, but it doesn't react well with the honey and peanut butter.

I say stick with the "lightness." That's sexy too!

Nina said...

Rick, I think it's pretty common actually. A lot of men shave various parts.

EA, well I've got no choice since I can do nothing about it. :-)