If you've been playing along on the home game, you know I have been blessed with a lot of prescription medication lately. The demise of Don'tFuckUp meant I didn't have to take the ridiculous sleeping pills that also gave me nightmares - yay. So what did I do? I put those pills right there in the hidden drawer in the faux headboard of my thing held together by bungee cords that I call a bed.
So yesterday while cleaning, I decided to put the sleeping pills where they rightfully belong, in the pharmaceutical drawer of my bathroom supply chest, where I keep everything from Tylenol to RainbowsyUnicorns (tm) to Xanax. It was then that I had a revelation.
Forget for the moment that my stash of drugs is now mammoth. Forget all about that.
What I am talking about is my method of housing pills of any kind, which is this:
1) Bring it home from the store.
2) Open the bottle and dump it out.
3) Locate ziploc bags.
4) Place pills into ziploc bag, peel label from bottle and stick to back of bag.
5) If label will not unstick, write name of drug, dosage, quantity, and expiration date on bag in indelible marker.
6) Place bag in drug drawer.
The original justification for this lunacy was to save space. Anyone who has ever lived in a one room apartment so small there is no room for an oven knows that this justification is valid. Did I mention that I don't have an oven?
So anyway back to the pills. I realized that even without the most recent very bad drug I was on, I do sometimes have insomnia. Not often, mind you. But sometimes. It's possible I will be glad to have those pills one day. I checked the hidden drawer of my "bed" and they were not there. Not! There!
I couldn't find them. Anywhere. I looked and looked - nothing. I looked under the bed and behind the blinds and in the kitchen drawer and on my desk - hell -I even checked the refrigerator.* Then I stood around for a few minutes, trying to picture where they might be.
And then I decided, you know, since I had tried everywhere else, I would check the trash can.
I'll just give you a moment to picture someone so meticulous that she repackages her drugs - even her vitamins - but who is so careless that in a fit of decluttering frenzy, she has been known to throw away her wallet (twice) her cell phone (once) her her passport (are we there yet?) and her sunglasses (many, many times).
Of course the sleeping pills were in the bottom of the trash, all neatly labeled and sealed in a bag. Of course they were. Because I am completely, irretrievably insane. Far more than you yet know. Because guess what I did next?
I got out a new baggie. And I rebagged and relabeled the pills and put them in the drug drawer. Then I searched the rest of the trash and recovered my Inca Trail pass and the power cord to my iPod.
There is no really good way to end a post in which you reveal that you are a total nutjob, is there?
Have a good Monday.
*I found my car keys in there once. Not kidding.