Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Squeak, squeak. Are you in there? ***updated***

***She has done it three times already today. And she is doing it right now.***

I am home most days due to my lucrative and unchallenging work from home job. My neighbor is also home all day because she is a housewife. If you thought we didn't have those here in NYC, rest assured, we do.

I have never met this housewife, despite the fact that we spend most of our days eight to ten feet away from each other, separated only by the fortress thick walls. You know, the same one that prevent my cell phone and cable from working.

I am sorry, where was I?

Ah yes, my neighbor. I have never met her, but I dislike her.

Here is a picture of how life should be:

On the left, you have Some Asian Girl's apartment. She is tucked in there, happily working. I have no issues with her. I hope she has none with me.

In the middle, you see Nina working. You can tell she is happy because she is on the max dose of Don'tFuckUp - this is indicated by the hearts and stars floating around in her apartment. On the right, you see HW, in her skirt, baking cookies. All is well.

Here is a picture of how life is:

At least five times a day, HW puts down the tray of cookies, opens her very squeaky door, and just stands there, wiggling her squeaky door back and forth, all the while staring at my door. I know this because when I hear the squeak I get up and run (it's three steps) to the door.

Notice that the hearts and stars are now gone from Nina's apartment. No amount of Don'tFuckUp makes this situation ok with me. I stare right back at her through the little view hole. She wiggles her door and stands there being squeaky, and I stand there half tempted to open my door and say "Hi! Can I help you? Are you trying to tell me something? Perhaps that you wish I didn't listen to Beck so much? I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me? Or are you just fucking with my head?"

So I ask your opinion, internet. Do I open my door and confront HW?


Lola said...

Hee Hee..YES! Just for the shock value of it.
She's just jealous because you're cool and gorgeous!

Slick said...

Yep! Open your door with a large kitchen knife in your hand while peeling a carrot and just stare back at her.

That should do the trick.

Awww man...I loooooove that song!! Seriously!

Send it to me? I'll send you a coupon.

By the way, I'm impressed with your drawings :)

utenzi said...

I think she wants to be your friend, Nina. BTW, that statement means more if you've seen Mars Attacks. But even if she has a raygun behind her back, you should be fast enough to grab some cookies and shut your door before she can react.

Well, give it some thought. (I loved your comment on my blog, Nina--it gives me something to think about!)

LAS said...

Hey - thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting! I look forward to having another blog to read! I'll definitely be back!

Woodrow said...

I'm sad because the drawings are gone.

Yes, open the door. Or just leave your door open so the next time she does it you'll have a jump on her. Oh yeah, do that.

Nina said...

Lola, I don't think she would know who I was if she ran into me. Cool as you? Never.

Slick, check your email. And thanks for liking my drawings.

Utenzi, I feel like I am missing out on something, so I ordered Mars Attacks from Netflix.

Las, thanks for stopping by... will be back to see you, too.

Woodrow, I will try to leave my door open tomorrow morning so we run into each other in the hallway. She really must stop squeaking her door at me.